The Moments Of Our Lives, Big and Small, Deserve To Be Honored, Respected, And Preserved

As a woman who loves and values several things:  family, the moments of our life that make it a life, and the art of photography, I have been doing a lot of thinking this past weekend about recording the special moments of our families.  


I have been attending a quilting retreat at the Linden Hills Mansion in Little Falls, MN. I should clarify now that I do not and will never quilt; however, since my niece and my sister host this retreat for their fellow quilters, I feel fortunate to be able to attend along with them and retreat in other ways - spending the morning photographing along the river, reading, napping, and of course, drinking wine.  This mansion was built in the late 1800's as one of the family homes of a wealthy lumber family. For me, it is an opportunity to spend the weekend in a home that I would otherwise only be able to experience in books and movies - a true turn-of-the-century architectural masterpiece that speaks to a time of gentler and more refined living. One of the most interesting features of this home is that, although there remain some distant descendants of the original family, the estate itself now belongs to the city of Little Falls and is under the care of a dedicated team of volunteers who lovingly restore, caretake, and manage the home.  It is left just as it was when the last family resident passed away - all the furniture remains, the dishes are in the pantry, baby dolls sit in doll buggies awaiting a the hands of a child who will play with them, and most importantly to me, all the family photos remain displayed throughout the home.  Photos of the family's daughters as children being held on their mothers' lap, photos of them playing in the children's playroom, and photos of them as adults on their wedding days.  These photos represent the most obscure as well as the most important moments of their lifetime. Andeven now, they remain standing on fireplace mantles, hanging on walls, and displayed on bureaus for others to glimpse a small moment of their lives.


I feel so fortunate to be able to view these special moments that may have taken place anywhere from fifty to one hundred years ago. However, in some ways, it also breaks my heart just a bit. I am fascinated that a family who was so obviously rich in material ways and likely with so many interesting stories to tell, had no one who wanted to cherish and treasure these special moments on their behalf. I feel this same way any time I visit an antique store and find an antique album filled with the ancient history of some family who let their memories go and let their family story go -  for whatever reasons I cannot imagine. 


Years ago, I became interested in my own family history and as some of my older relatives came to realize this, they shared with  me such incredible memorabilia from our family history. I have family photos dating back a hundred years, as well as family bibles that were once treasured by Great-Great-Aunts, school report cards dating back to the early 1900's, certificates of military duty, postcards from my grandfather to his parents from even before he was married to my grandmother, valentines cards, and a host of other documents that had value to the person who originally held them - enough value that they lovingly boxed them in hopes that someone else would care about the story as well.


I consider myself to be somewhat of a documentarian of my own life through the multitude of photos that I capture.  Although sometimes my schedule does not allow, the best day for me is one in which I can spend at least an hour with my camera documenting my family or the world around me in some way. I post these photos online for my family to share and while that seems to be the way of technology, I continue to print a selection of the best photos to place in albums. I would be embarrassed to tell you how many photo albums I have throughout my home (it runs a close tie to the number of purses that I collect!); however, there should be no shame in wanting to document these moments in my life. In fact, my only regret, is that in the busiest times of my life, I didn't document things enough. I let time get away from me and because of that, I have the memories of many first moments, many special moments, but those memories belong only to me -there is  nothing to share with anyone who will follow me.


As I've been  considering the value of the family treasures that I hold, I've realized that as the keeper of these memories, I have a responsibility to ensure their safety for future generations. I think I will begin this winter to photograph and document all the family history pieces that I've been honored to collect over  the years. There is a very strong connection that happens when you physically hold a piece of paper that your grandparents or great-grandparents may have once held so I hope that my digital copies will never be the only thing remaining, but if that were the case, at least those moments would not be lost. I will rest easier knowing that I have done what I can and what I need to do to preserve and honor these special moments of my ancestors.


The moments of our lives, the small ones and the big ones, are what make them our lives. Moments deserve to be honored, respected, and preserved so that they may endure. I hope that someone in my family will do the same for me someday - they will take over the care of our family memories from generations past and pay honor to the moments that have created our today. 

Whales, Elephants, Me, and Mollie

My daughter and I are currently on opposites sides of the world and experiencing things that the other has never known. She is in India on her study abroad, and I am in Hawaii on a site inspection. Though worlds apart, there are certain aspects of our experiences that are surprisingly similar.

I am on the beautiful island of Maui and for the past week, have been visiting various hotels, trying the finest restaurants, and enjoying spa visits almost daily (I know…I love certain aspects of my job!) However, the highlight of the week was this morning when I enjoyed a sunrise canoe experience. There were four of us along with our 2 guides and we ventured out at 7am in a traditional Hawaiian canoe. The waves were strong and we were told to paddle hard to make it past the first breakers.  As we came into the open water, the sun began to rise over Haleakala (which means “the house of the rising sun”).  This volcano is the highest point on the island at well over 10,000 feet.  As the sun rose, the sky exploded in orange as did the water reflecting the sun around us. We paddled gently through the orange glowing water and were visited by manta rays, needle fish, and large ocean turtles, as well as a few sightings of hunchback whales which are currently migrating. These huge ocean mammals are amazing creatures. They can measure up to 60 feet long and weigh well over 40 tons. They are perhaps best known for the songs that they sing. These songs, originally mistaken by ancient sailors for the siren calls of mermaids, have been sung for generations. Scientists used to think it was the same song but have realized that it is actually a song that evolves over several years time. While they theorize that the songs are mating calls, nobody really knows for sure – and I for one, believe that there is more in this world that we do NOT know, than we do know so I like to imagine that they may be telling stories to one another, keeping alive their own history. We do know that they exhibit very human tendencies – joy, compassion, extreme care for their offspring and injured in their herd, as well as grief.

While I am paddling through the waters with whales, my daughter, Mollie, is in India preparing for a day to be spent with the largest mammals on land – the elephants.  These creatures are equally amazing and equally “human”. They are known for their intelligence and for their memories. But I am most touched by their expression of grief. When one of their herd passes, the entire herd expresses grief and sorrow. Their posture changes, they hang their heads, they pay homage to their fallen member. And, even years later, when the herd passes the spot where one of their own died years before, they will pause at that spot, as if to give a prayer. I am amazed that these incredibly large creatures can show such tenderness, care and compassion.  I know that Mollie will come home with more knowledge about elephants than I will ever hope to know. She will have walked among them, felt their skin and looked into their eyes, felt a bit of their soul.  I look forward to the time soon when we are both home and can share our experiences with each other and learn a bit from one another.

However, there are moments of each of our experiences that we cannot share, moments of our experience that are fully our own. The color of the water as the sun rose over Haleakala, the smell of the wind as it came off the ocean, the swaying of the canoe as we watched whales breaching nearby – those are moments that I will always remember but are impossible to fully share with anyone else. Just as Mollie’s experiences in India will be fully her own. I will enjoy hearing about them, looking at her pictures, and imagining her there – but only she will know the full truth of each experience.

As we were paddling along the coastline today, the guide said  “It is always better to be paddling, instead of rowing. When you are rowing, you are only looking backwards, but when you paddle, you know where you came from and you know where you are going.”

I hope that you are paddling instead of rowing, and I hope that you are enjoying all your moments along the way.

"Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Jack Benny

Today I am celebrating my 46th birthday. I don't worry about telling anyone my age because getting older doesn't really bother me. Not that I love everything about it. I'm not sure that I love the additional wrinkles that I seem to wake up with every morning. However, I remind myself that those wrinkles, laugh lines, and imprints of past sorrows have been earned and honored through the years so I should wear them proudly.  I'm not a huge fan of the fact that my vision seems to get worse every day either. I have cheater glasses everywhere and the magnification keeps increasing!  I don't always like to think about the fact that if I'm fortunate to live to a great old age, I've already lived about half of my life. Yet, I'm so excited about the next half - continuing to watch my children live their adventures, enjoying my grandchildren, and growing old with John. There is still so much to look forward to!

Maybe the reason aging doesn't really bother me is that I haven't fully come to terms with it mentally and with how age impacts my own perception of me.  Every month, "MORE" magazine, features a woman of about my age - they list her actual age and her accomplishments - and that is always my favorite article to read. I love looking at the photo of someone who is my approximate age but who is a complete stranger because I can be completely objective of how old they look. I look at the photo and think "is that how people see me?"  For some reason, I can never quite equate myself to the women in the photos who are my own actual age. It isn't because I think I look younger or older than they do, it's more a perception of who they appear to be compared with how I see myself. Most often, I look at their photos and think they look so sophisticated, wise, settled...grown up. However, I would use none of those words to describe me. I suppose maybe I've gotten a bit smarter over the years but I certainly wouldn't say wise - I have much yet to learn. I settled down years ago but wouldn't say that I've settled "in" - there are still so many new experiences that I want to have. Sophisticated and grown up? Not me! Most days I find that I am just as goofy and immature as I was "in my youth". I often times wonder, will I just wake up one day and suddenly feel all grown up? I hope not!

I wear my wrinkles proudly and am honored to tell anyone my age. And I'm happy that my head hasn't yet caught up with my actual years. I hope that I never stop wanting to learn, to try new experiences, and to be a little silly sometimes. 

Maybe that is the wisdom I've gained in my 46 years.

Taking "Nothing" For Granted...

My 21-year old daughter, who is a junior in college, left this week for a study abroad experience in India. Communication while she is gone will be difficult as she has a very busy schedule and limited access to a computer; however, her student group is doing a daily blog so that family back home can hear about their experiences. Their first blog post today was an update on their travels up to this point – hours of flying and layovers, settling into their new “home”, and their first safety lesson in India – “be careful not to ingest any water while showering”. I typically don’t shower with my mouth wide open but I do have to admit that it would be quite difficult to take a shower without getting any water in or on your mouth. Anyway, it got me thinking about all the “nothings” that I take for granted on a daily basis. All these little things that I rarely give a thought to but they have such a tremendous impact on my life and are only noticed when they don’t run as expected.

• Turning on the faucet and having water that is clean, safe to drink, and temperature controlled
• Flipping a switch and being able to light up a room
• Opening the refrigerator door and finding food inside
• Sleeping in a warm comfortable bed
• Turning a key in the ignition and having the car start
• Pushing a button on a computer and being able access any information anywhere in the world
• Pushing a button on a camera and preserving a memory forever
• Having the ability to go to the nearest doctor for medical advice and to the local pharmacy if medicine is needed
• Washing your clothes is as easy as dropping them into a machine

These little nothings add up to make my life easier to manage, safer to live, and more enjoyable. And, I need to remind myself about how important they are and to appreciate them.

Even more importantly, are the other little “nothings” that happen every day, for which I am also grateful.

• Getting an email from your husband that is signed “XOXO”
• Hearing your grandchild call out “Ya Ya” or watching her eyes light up when she sees you
• Picking up the phone and hearing the voice of your mom or your dad on the other end
• Having a sister or brother to talk to  - and they understand how important the “nothings” are to you and are there to support you and love you, no matter what
• Anytime your child reaches out to you for advice, support, or to share a laugh

What are the “nothings” that you take for granted every day? Is it not worrying about ingesting the water when you shower? Or something else?

A Blog About...Nothing?

If you asked me what this blog will be about I would have to be honest and tell you that my plan is for it to be about nothing.  But it goes a little deeper than that because I believe that it is all the “nothings” in our life that make it add up to something. We go through life focusing on honoring the monumental, the hallmark celebrations such as birthdays, weddings, etc. But it is the smaller moments that we experience that come together and build our life.

Two years ago, I began a project of taking a photo every day. My initial intent was that this would provide me motivation to focus each day on my photography hobby. However, what has evolved is something much greater to me. Over the past two years, I have built a pictorial diary of my life and what has become evident is that there is something – even though it may seem to some like a nothing – to celebrate in every day. The project has forced me to become more aware of those moments and… to be more watchful so I don’t miss them.

Occasionally, one of my photos will force me to contemplate an idea and it is those moments of “nothing” that all add up to “something” that I will be trying to share here throughout the year. I don’t know how often I will update and I don’t know what kinds of things I’ll be focusing on – I plan to let the blog evolve itself.

I hope you will be interested in checking in occasionally (or possibly even subscribing).  It should be an interesting journey!!