Secure Your Own Oxygen Mask Before Helping Others...

There is much to be learned in travel. Experiencing new cultures, seeing new places, and meeting new people expands your world and your mind. However, there are also lessons to be learned in the most mundane and routine of places and activities; specifically at the airport and while in flight. From the time you enter the airport until you are safely returned to the ground once again, various signs and announcements remind us not only of some basic rules of travel but also some more important life lessons. 


1. "There will be a fee for excess baggage."  We all carry baggage from our past - good and bad. But if you allow yourself to carry too much with you, you will likely have to pay a price whether it be a financial cost or the cost of your health or mental well-being. Don't carry with you what you no longer need. Keep the good stuff and leave the bad stuff behind. It will lighten your load, allow you to move forward much easier, and eliminate the need for "excess fees". 


2. "Please maintain control of your children at all times." Admittedly, not easily done but your life's journey and that of your children will be much eased when parents stay involved, and lead the way until their children are ready to navigate their own journey. 


3. "Do not accept packages from unknown persons." Enough said. 


But perhaps the most meaningful reminder is given to us in the safety address of every flight attendant prior to take-off..."Secure your own oxygen mask before helping others."  For many of us, this can be very difficult to do. We believe that only through complete self-sacrifice can we truly help the people we love. However, in fact, the opposite is true. And it isn't arrogant or selfish to abide by this principle. It is required for survival. You must allow yourself to be healthy and cared for, in order to provide love and care for another in your life. So when the oxygen masks drop, allow yourself a moment to breathe and to take care of yourself, so you can then be there for the others who need your care. 


I guess life's lessons are all around us all the time. The trick is being open to hearing them and to making them matter in our own lives. So wherever your travels take you today, remember to be kind to yourself and to be open to the lessons around you. 


I wish you a safe journey.

Thinking About Hair...

I’ve been thinking a lot about hair lately. I’ve had hair down past the middle of my back and hair that was so short, that it was spiked on top. I’ve spent hours obsessing about what should be done with my hair and even more hours actually doing something with it. In fact, I’ve done the math and would estimate that I have likely spent close to one year of my lifetime to-date dealing with my hair. I’ve washed it, dried it, cut it, combed it, brushed it, teased it, dyed it, bleached it, highlighted it, curled it, straightened it, permed it, gelled it, moussed it, sprayed it, styled it. I know that hair may not seem like a very important issue to some of you, but others might understand and I wondered to myself recently “what is so important about hair?”

My daughter has been growing her hair for the last year in anticipation of donating it for cancer patients. Recently, she returned home from college, made the appointment and eagerly went to have her long hair cut into a trendy, shorter hairstyle. Her stylist sectioned off her hair and after checking with Mollie one last time before the cut, she chopped away more than 10 inches. There was no going back. Not that Mollie would have. She had made her decision and was looking forward to her new look, and too, she knew that she was doing something that would benefit another person. She had made her choice and she was excited to make the change.

There’s a difference though between cutting your hair by choice, and having it taken from you in any other way. To lose your hair to age, genetics, or illness is another thing entirely and might not be met with such anticipation or pride. I come from a long line of bald men whose genetics determined long before the first hair had fallen, that they would join the ranks of their ancestors. Knowing what their future holds, they have each held positive outlooks on their impending baldness. In fact one of my brothers attests “the best among us don’t have any hair!” 

Though they might not complain, their loss was beyond their control much as it is for anyone losing their hair to illness. I think it is that loss of control that would be the most difficult to deal with. We want to believe that we can control our bodies, and that we should have the final say in what happens to our bodies. But again, aging, genetics and illness can derail that belief reminding us that sometimes even those things that we think define us, can be out of our hands.

I’ve known two women in recent months who have reclaimed that power and brought it back to their control. Both are dealing with very different types of cancers but facing the same side effect to treatment, loss of their hair. And, yet both of these women, did not wait for the illness to steal their hair, but instead bravely took the first step and cut their own hair. They gathered friends and family who would understand for support. They purchased wigs or head scarves. And they courageously (and with great humor) took back control. I believe it is this same bravery and sense of power, that will allow them both to fight their illness and, more importantly, to heal.

But, I come back to my original question, “what is so important about hair”? Is it about vanity, control, sense of self? The answer is “it doesn’t need to have a reason – it just is.” When I was in college, one of my roommates was a beautician - as well as a gifted writer. She once wrote an essay about why her work was so important and the insight she provided was very valuable. She knew that when she went to work each day she had the opportunity….actually the responsibility….to help people when they are vulnerable. She wrote about a young teenage boy whose dad accompanied him to the salon and demanded his long hair be cut short…and the look of defeat in the young man’s eyes as his hair was taken from him.  She knew that, for whatever reasons, his hair was important to him. And she had the ability to make him feel “beautiful” as he sat in her chair – no matter the reason for being there.  She knew that it doesn’t matter why, but sometimes, our hair is important. And her gift was in allowing that to be so, without questioning.

So perhaps your hair is important to you or perhaps you couldn’t care less. Either way, we all have things that represent our sense of self, our sense of control, and by which we define ourselves. You don’t need to justify what it is for you. Just honor it. And, when it seems as though that “thing” might be stolen away, surround yourself with others who will understand and will help you through the moment. And find a way to reclaim the power. 

Take A Moment To See What Is Behind You...

Several years ago, I visited Grand Marais with my parents, sisters, and some of our children. For those of you who have never been to this beautiful Minnesota treasure, I only have five words for you…”Go as soon as possible”.  This tiny harbor village sitting on Lake Superior offers a most rugged beauty, that somehow manages to balance a Minnesota-type “outdoorsy-ness” with an eclectic and quirky vibe of an artist’s community. You can shop at the Ben Franklin (where they have everything from ant killer to Minnetonka Moccasins), you can enjoy dinner at the award-winning “Angry Trout”, you can sit in a colorful Adirondack to watch the lake, or you can stroll along the rocks of Artists Point on the lake.

On this particular family visit, we spent quite a long time walking on Artists Point, and of course, I had my camera at my side to capture each step along the way. As the day wore on and dusk approached, my family made their way back to our cabins for dinner (and likely some wine). However, I remained behind with the intent of trying to capture the beauty of the lighthouse as evening approached. There is an eerie feeling to standing on this narrow rock wall among the mighty Lake Superior and I hoped to get an image that would preserve this mood. I set up my tripod and took several shots as the sun set and the mosquitoes attacked. I was all alone, feeling very much at peace, and absolutely in the moment.

When I could no longer stand the bugs and felt I had a shot that I liked, I packed up all my equipment and started to make my way back along the wall. I was lost in thought and was carefully trying to watch my footing when something made me decide to turn around to look back at the lighthouse. It happened that at that very moment, an antique sailing ship was just coming into the harbor and passing next to the lighthouse. It was a "ghost ship" gliding quietly through the blue fog along the still lake. It was the eerie moment that I couldn’t even have known to hope for. Unfortunately, with my equipment packed and on my back, there was no time to successfully capture the image. I grabbed a quick shot just to prove to myself that it happened but I had missed the chance for a truly remarkable photo. I kicked myself about this all the way back to the cabin and then realized there was no sense in kicking myself anymore…but rather to take a lesson from the experience.

Sometimes you have to turn around to see what you’ve been looking for. We become so focused on moving forward, pushing ourselves through our days with planned agendas, commitments, and to-do lists. But I think it is important to occasionally stop the activity, turn around and look at what is behind you. Not with the intent of kicking yourself over past mistakes, but for the enjoyment of seeing something that you might have missed the first time around. With a different perspective, we can often times see things that weren’t evident to us or see things in a new way. And with that updated image in our mind, we can resume moving forward knowing that we have the full picture.

This is the photo I got when I turned around - you can just barely see the "ghost ship" to the left of the lighthouse.