It's Ok...Behave Like A 2-Year Old!

My life has somehow changed over the last 20 years from partying until 2:00 in the morning…to partying with 2 year olds. From the moment I wake up on Monday morning, I find myself looking forward to Wednesday evenings. Not because it’s the middle of the week and we are that much closer to enjoying the weekend, but because Wednesday nights mean “Toddler Music Class” with my grand-daughter Sammy. I love watching these little kids interact together – for some, this might be their first social interactions with their peers. They might be shy – but they immediately recognize their commonality (“hey…that kid is holding a ball too”) and soon they approach each other, wasting no time with small talk but getting to the important stuff…playing. It’s a skill that many of us seem to lose as we get older.  If we are fortunate, maybe we regain it at some point - but with effort, perhaps we can recapture that energy a bit sooner.

When we first walk into class each week, the kids are each a bit shy. However, as Teacher Mary drags out the balls and instruments, suddenly their inhibitions are released. Aidan throws a ball (which was probably intended for his mother but his aim isn’t quiet defined yet) and the ball actually goes to Sammy.  She picks up the ball and looks at Aidan who quietly looks back at her. No words are exchanged. They don’t introduce themselves or ask “what do you do for a living?”. They don’t wonder about whether or not this person will like them or be impressed by them.  Sammy gently tosses the ball back to Aidan and they are now friends.

As we get older – like maybe the grand old age of five or six years old - we start to lose this inability to connect over something so simple.  It becomes evident to us from the world around us that there can be a vulnerability in extending yourself to someone who might be a new friend. We build up walls around ourselves  as we settle in with our close friends or our safe circles. We believe that going beyond those boundaries can be dangerous and because of our fears, we hide behind the small talk…we don’t return the ball that was mis-thrown.

Several weeks ago, my sisters and I visited our parents at their retirement community in Texas. Of course we loved seeing our folks and spending the time with them. But one of the things we commented on one day as we cruised around in their golf court (three in the front seat because that’s how WE roll) was how warm and welcoming everyone was. As we drove through the park, people not only gave us a courteous wave but shouted “hello!”, “how are you girls doing today?”, “will you be at the dance tonight?”. They didn’t really know us but that didn’t stop them from extending themselves to us. And when given the chance to visit together, they didn’t rely on trite conversation but instead shared stories about themselves, about their families, and about what was important to them. They allowed us to come into their “safe circle” and we left from our visit feeling as though we had made some friends.

I admire the ability to be open in 2 year olds and I admire the ability in older generations, so maybe I need to make an effort in my current life rather than waiting until I’m 65. And, in fact, I think that this is one area in which Facebook is of benefit. Because of Facebook, I have become “friends” with circles of people that I otherwise would not have interacted with on a daily basis – people I went to high school with but didn’t know well at the time, relatives who live thousands of miles away and I haven’t seen in many years, former coworkers with whom I might have lost touch, friends of friends, the list goes on. While some might argue that Facebook is superficial and you don’t really (can’t possibly) care about all these friends, I would disagree. I’ve come to look forward to seeing posts from my friends and learning about their lives.  Through posting/commenting/sharing, we keep the conversation going meaning that when we do see each other, we aren’t starting from nothing. We’ve been tossing the ball back and forth for some time….and we are comfortable.

So we continue to grow and change, our circles of friends change, and our openness to new friendships change as well. And while I can probably still (occasionally) manage to stay up to 2AM, it’s my rock-star party life with the 2 year olds that bring real joyful moments to my days.  Having the opportunity to see the world through their eyes for just a few moments, reminds me that sometimes it’s ok (and maybe even recommended) to go ahead and behave like a 2-year old!

No Good In A Bed, But Fine Up Against A Wall...

 A rose is a rose is a rose is a rose. 

Gertrude Stein

Feeling fully immersed in the grey, cold, dreary and boring month of February, I recently purchased a dozen roses for no other reason than their color just seemed to call to me. Later that day, I took a few pictures of them and then wondered if I might be able to challenge myself in the days ahead to photograph the roses in a completely different way each day. As I set about this project, I found myself thinking about these roses: the color they brought into my world, the fragrance they brought to my senses, the lift they brought into my days. And as I thought about them each day, I appreciated more fully the impact they had on my moments as they came into full bloom and then began to wither.

This post will not be like any I've done before. There are no words that I have to describe the lasting beauty of a rose. So I'll rely on the words of people greater than I and through some of the photos taken this week...

People from a planet without flowers would think we must be mad with joy the whole time to have such things about us.
Iris Murdoch

God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December.
James M. Barrie

Days of wine and roses laugh and run away, like a child at play.
Johnny Mercer

 
Even as they changed and withered, the roses continued to bring joy and beauty in a new way. I was forced to try to see things in a different way each day and...it was hard. I found myself settling for the "easy" and gravitating towards the cliche of what was expected. I don't know that I was ever able to see the roses beyond the traditional but I guess I was reminded that it's easy to stick with what is easy and comfortable, and doing something new or different takes time, energy, thought, and a bit of courage.

But every now and then there is reward in doing something in a new way. Maybe you've fallen into a rut at work, in your relationship, with your workout routine, your hairstyle, or the music you listen to it. Whatever it might be that is making you feel grey and dreary...maybe it's time to shake it up in a new way.

I'll warn you: It can feel awkward and not everyone around you will always like the changes...or the results. But in the end, YOU might find that YOU like the result. This was certainly my experience one day after taking many photos.  It was actually the last one that I took that day (after I thought I just couldn't see the rose in a new way...but then had one more idea), that is the photo I liked the best of the series. (I won't tell you which one was my favorite.)

One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.
Dale Carnegie

Will you accept this rose?
Bachelors and Bachelorettes

 These simple golden roses brought moments of beauty into my dreary winter days and I’m thankful for that small blessing in a February world. And now I pass them on to you…hoping that these words and photos, will brighten just one moment in your day.

The world is a rose, smell it and pass it to your friends.
Persian Proverb

  And lastly, there’s this…

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed,
but fine up against a wall.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Paraphrasing Willie Nelson and Julio Iglesias: "To All The Boys I've Loved Before"

Alternate title: "The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly"(Just kidding!)

February is the month of love - red hearts, sweet candies, and loving thoughts are at every turn. Though I've been married now for close to 24 years, I can still recall many of the relationships that I had prior to being married. I remember boys that I dated - some only once or twice and some for much longer. With Valentine's only days away, I've been thinking some about past "loves" and wondering..."Did I give away more of my "self" in those relationships or did those relationships help me to find my "self"?"

It's probably only natural that we are changed in some ways by every relationship in our lives. Sometimes those are good changes and other times, not so much. Unfortunately, I think most often it is when you are so involved in the relationship, that many of those negative changes rear their ugly head, and at those times you are least able to see the changes taking place. In this way and with the benefit of hindsight, I now know that I fell victim to some of these changes and that I sacrificed parts of myself in order to please the other person. When you're starting a new relationship, you are looking for that common ground that will allow you to enjoy a shared experience together. Sometimes this brings exciting new adventures to your life, and other times - through no malicious intent on anyone's part - you find yourself compromising in areas that were maybe once important to you. This is where the danger to "self" comes in - giving up things that were once important to you, not because you no longer care, but because the other person doesn't care that those things are important to who you are. I've been there and I've also been very fortunate to reclaim for myself those things that were once so important.

But it's the things that we gain from each relationship that make them valuable and memorable. We learn about the hard work that it takes sometimes to love another person. We learn about trust. We learn about true compromise. We learn about honoring, respecting, and most importantly, admiring the differences in the person we love. We learn about supporting someone when they are their lowest, and we learn about celebrating someone when they have found success. In addition, some other lessons I've learned from previous relationships...
* That I was just never meant to downhill ski
* That seafood can taste so good
* That Bruce Springsteen's version of "Pink Cadillac" really is better than the Tina Turner version.

All those boys that I dated, that I had crushes for, and some that I loved, brought me parts of myself. Through those relationships, I learned about who I wanted to be and who I didn't want to be.

So this Valentine's Day, take just a moment to think about "all the boys (or girls) you've loved before" and send them a quiet thanks for the good that they brought into your life, and, oddly enough, maybe even for some of the harder lessons. They helped you become who you are today. And that is a person who understands about love.