Secure Your Own Oxygen Mask Before Helping Others...

There is much to be learned in travel. Experiencing new cultures, seeing new places, and meeting new people expands your world and your mind. However, there are also lessons to be learned in the most mundane and routine of places and activities; specifically at the airport and while in flight. From the time you enter the airport until you are safely returned to the ground once again, various signs and announcements remind us not only of some basic rules of travel but also some more important life lessons. 


1. "There will be a fee for excess baggage."  We all carry baggage from our past - good and bad. But if you allow yourself to carry too much with you, you will likely have to pay a price whether it be a financial cost or the cost of your health or mental well-being. Don't carry with you what you no longer need. Keep the good stuff and leave the bad stuff behind. It will lighten your load, allow you to move forward much easier, and eliminate the need for "excess fees". 


2. "Please maintain control of your children at all times." Admittedly, not easily done but your life's journey and that of your children will be much eased when parents stay involved, and lead the way until their children are ready to navigate their own journey. 


3. "Do not accept packages from unknown persons." Enough said. 


But perhaps the most meaningful reminder is given to us in the safety address of every flight attendant prior to take-off..."Secure your own oxygen mask before helping others."  For many of us, this can be very difficult to do. We believe that only through complete self-sacrifice can we truly help the people we love. However, in fact, the opposite is true. And it isn't arrogant or selfish to abide by this principle. It is required for survival. You must allow yourself to be healthy and cared for, in order to provide love and care for another in your life. So when the oxygen masks drop, allow yourself a moment to breathe and to take care of yourself, so you can then be there for the others who need your care. 


I guess life's lessons are all around us all the time. The trick is being open to hearing them and to making them matter in our own lives. So wherever your travels take you today, remember to be kind to yourself and to be open to the lessons around you. 


I wish you a safe journey.

Thinking About Hair...

I’ve been thinking a lot about hair lately. I’ve had hair down past the middle of my back and hair that was so short, that it was spiked on top. I’ve spent hours obsessing about what should be done with my hair and even more hours actually doing something with it. In fact, I’ve done the math and would estimate that I have likely spent close to one year of my lifetime to-date dealing with my hair. I’ve washed it, dried it, cut it, combed it, brushed it, teased it, dyed it, bleached it, highlighted it, curled it, straightened it, permed it, gelled it, moussed it, sprayed it, styled it. I know that hair may not seem like a very important issue to some of you, but others might understand and I wondered to myself recently “what is so important about hair?”

My daughter has been growing her hair for the last year in anticipation of donating it for cancer patients. Recently, she returned home from college, made the appointment and eagerly went to have her long hair cut into a trendy, shorter hairstyle. Her stylist sectioned off her hair and after checking with Mollie one last time before the cut, she chopped away more than 10 inches. There was no going back. Not that Mollie would have. She had made her decision and was looking forward to her new look, and too, she knew that she was doing something that would benefit another person. She had made her choice and she was excited to make the change.

There’s a difference though between cutting your hair by choice, and having it taken from you in any other way. To lose your hair to age, genetics, or illness is another thing entirely and might not be met with such anticipation or pride. I come from a long line of bald men whose genetics determined long before the first hair had fallen, that they would join the ranks of their ancestors. Knowing what their future holds, they have each held positive outlooks on their impending baldness. In fact one of my brothers attests “the best among us don’t have any hair!” 

Though they might not complain, their loss was beyond their control much as it is for anyone losing their hair to illness. I think it is that loss of control that would be the most difficult to deal with. We want to believe that we can control our bodies, and that we should have the final say in what happens to our bodies. But again, aging, genetics and illness can derail that belief reminding us that sometimes even those things that we think define us, can be out of our hands.

I’ve known two women in recent months who have reclaimed that power and brought it back to their control. Both are dealing with very different types of cancers but facing the same side effect to treatment, loss of their hair. And, yet both of these women, did not wait for the illness to steal their hair, but instead bravely took the first step and cut their own hair. They gathered friends and family who would understand for support. They purchased wigs or head scarves. And they courageously (and with great humor) took back control. I believe it is this same bravery and sense of power, that will allow them both to fight their illness and, more importantly, to heal.

But, I come back to my original question, “what is so important about hair”? Is it about vanity, control, sense of self? The answer is “it doesn’t need to have a reason – it just is.” When I was in college, one of my roommates was a beautician - as well as a gifted writer. She once wrote an essay about why her work was so important and the insight she provided was very valuable. She knew that when she went to work each day she had the opportunity….actually the responsibility….to help people when they are vulnerable. She wrote about a young teenage boy whose dad accompanied him to the salon and demanded his long hair be cut short…and the look of defeat in the young man’s eyes as his hair was taken from him.  She knew that, for whatever reasons, his hair was important to him. And she had the ability to make him feel “beautiful” as he sat in her chair – no matter the reason for being there.  She knew that it doesn’t matter why, but sometimes, our hair is important. And her gift was in allowing that to be so, without questioning.

So perhaps your hair is important to you or perhaps you couldn’t care less. Either way, we all have things that represent our sense of self, our sense of control, and by which we define ourselves. You don’t need to justify what it is for you. Just honor it. And, when it seems as though that “thing” might be stolen away, surround yourself with others who will understand and will help you through the moment. And find a way to reclaim the power. 

Take A Moment To See What Is Behind You...

Several years ago, I visited Grand Marais with my parents, sisters, and some of our children. For those of you who have never been to this beautiful Minnesota treasure, I only have five words for you…”Go as soon as possible”.  This tiny harbor village sitting on Lake Superior offers a most rugged beauty, that somehow manages to balance a Minnesota-type “outdoorsy-ness” with an eclectic and quirky vibe of an artist’s community. You can shop at the Ben Franklin (where they have everything from ant killer to Minnetonka Moccasins), you can enjoy dinner at the award-winning “Angry Trout”, you can sit in a colorful Adirondack to watch the lake, or you can stroll along the rocks of Artists Point on the lake.

On this particular family visit, we spent quite a long time walking on Artists Point, and of course, I had my camera at my side to capture each step along the way. As the day wore on and dusk approached, my family made their way back to our cabins for dinner (and likely some wine). However, I remained behind with the intent of trying to capture the beauty of the lighthouse as evening approached. There is an eerie feeling to standing on this narrow rock wall among the mighty Lake Superior and I hoped to get an image that would preserve this mood. I set up my tripod and took several shots as the sun set and the mosquitoes attacked. I was all alone, feeling very much at peace, and absolutely in the moment.

When I could no longer stand the bugs and felt I had a shot that I liked, I packed up all my equipment and started to make my way back along the wall. I was lost in thought and was carefully trying to watch my footing when something made me decide to turn around to look back at the lighthouse. It happened that at that very moment, an antique sailing ship was just coming into the harbor and passing next to the lighthouse. It was a "ghost ship" gliding quietly through the blue fog along the still lake. It was the eerie moment that I couldn’t even have known to hope for. Unfortunately, with my equipment packed and on my back, there was no time to successfully capture the image. I grabbed a quick shot just to prove to myself that it happened but I had missed the chance for a truly remarkable photo. I kicked myself about this all the way back to the cabin and then realized there was no sense in kicking myself anymore…but rather to take a lesson from the experience.

Sometimes you have to turn around to see what you’ve been looking for. We become so focused on moving forward, pushing ourselves through our days with planned agendas, commitments, and to-do lists. But I think it is important to occasionally stop the activity, turn around and look at what is behind you. Not with the intent of kicking yourself over past mistakes, but for the enjoyment of seeing something that you might have missed the first time around. With a different perspective, we can often times see things that weren’t evident to us or see things in a new way. And with that updated image in our mind, we can resume moving forward knowing that we have the full picture.

This is the photo I got when I turned around - you can just barely see the "ghost ship" to the left of the lighthouse.

Experiencing The "Wild Life" in Northern Minnesota!

We, like so many other Minnesotans this past Memorial weekend, took advantage of the opportunity to head “up north” to experience Minnesota’s wildlife. When we first arrived into town, we ran into a couple that we are friends with and Di asked when I would again be updating my blog. I told her I was looking for some inspiration and asked if she had any topics that she would suggest, and she immediately said "why don't you write about wildlife?" We talked for a few minutes about why this topic was important to her and I thought about it myself several times throughout the weekend and this is the conclusion that I came to – we may go up north to experience the wild life (which can come in various forms), but, for some, we keep going back “up north” because of the moments that are less wild.

As we journey north, the landscape changes from multi-lane freeways and Suburbian surroundings, to a two-lane highway (on which the slowest driver in Minnesota is always in front of us) lined by evergreen trees, small towns, and the occasional glimpse of wild animals who make this their home. Over the course of this past weekend, we saw loons, ducks, turtles, deer (one who walked right in front of me during my morning walk), hummingbirds, woodpeckers, squirrels, beavers, dragonflies, and of course, the unavoidable mosquitos. Though we have not yet had the pleasure of meeting some particular woodland neighbors, our friends share stories of nightly encounters in their own backyard with bears and bobcats. The people who live here are fiercely protective of these animals and their right to be there. This is also a place where nature is wild – the sunrises, sunsets, rains, and sunshine somehow seem intensified when you are experiencing them from a cabin in the woods.

There is another kind of wildlife that exists in the northern woods of Minnesota that is equally primal at times and as ever-changing as anything found in nature.  These wild creatures are a nocturnal variety who come out of hiding from the woods each evening as the sun sets seeking nourishment and camaraderie. This wild life is human. And whether they are locals, or visiting lake people, they are all seeking some of the same things – a good meal, a good drink, and a good laugh with friends. We come together as groups of all ages and varying senses of “wild”. Of course, the younger generations tend to have the wildest behaviors providing entertainment for those of us who are a bit older. However, don’t dismiss us from the fun just because of our age. We have had many years of experience in having a good time and still enjoy the laughs, and occasional drama, that is brought about during a wild night at the local establishment. Whether we are native to the area or just visiting, we have formed friendships that are important, very real, and in many ways, critical to our "species survival". Over a freshly baked pizza and an ice cold beer, we listen to the sounds (sometimes good…sometimes not so much) of the karaoke celebrities, share a little gossip, have a few laughs, and celebrate our common good fortune to be enjoying the wild life up north.

However, while it might be wildlife (both the animal and the human) that draw us up north for occasional visits, what makes me return time and time again, are the quieter moments that are so typical of a northern Minnesota weekend. It is about sitting on the deck with a glass of wine in one hand and the one you love seated next to you. It is waking up in the morning to the sound of the loon's mournful song. It is taking a walk through the woods as the birds serenade every step. Relaxing with a good book, watching the lake roll into the shore, sneaking in a late afternoon nap – these are the moments that for me define a weekend up north and that will encourage me to return for as long as I’m able.

I hope that you had a wonderful Memorial weekend. Perhaps you had a chance to experience some form of Minnesota Wild Life or maybe you just walked a quieter path. But my wish for you is that you enjoyed the moments as they came, and set the stage for a summer ahead of moments that will bring you joy. Happy summer!

Stand Still

Most of us have probably heard all about the benefits of slowing down the pace of our lives, but yesterday, I had the opportunity to visit a small Minnesota town that not only slows down, it actually stands still. Whalan, Minnesota (population: "not very many" according to the locals) is host each year to a "Stand Still Parade". The legend is that years ago the residents decided that they wanted to have an annual parade, however; the town is only one block long so they determined it might not work..."the parade would be over before it even started". So they came up with an idea - what if the parade stood still right on the main street in town and people could walk through the parade at their own pace? The idea was genius (even if a bit quirky), and what they enjoy now is a celebration that showcases a small town in Minnesota at its finest.


A typical parade can be a spectacle - so loud and so fast, that you sometimes don't even realize what has just passed by. But a Stand Still parade is much different. There are no screaming fire engines and no clashing marching bands, no Shriners racing by in their mini cars, no unicycle groups showcasing their tricks, and (thankfully) no politicians. What you have instead is a chance to see what is of particular interest to you. You have a chance to stop and visit with the Grand Marshall about his tractor and to take a photo of the "Beef Princess". The veterans Honor Guard is there at the head of the parade as they should be, but they are sitting in formation in folding chairs and they have the opportunity to talk together, laugh, visit with the crowd instead of passing by. There are antique cars parked all along the way allowing time to appreciate the work that each owner has put into their restoration. There is music - "The Bandanas", a group of middle-aged sisters (whose harmonies are like a female barbers quartet) that perform covers of the Judds, the Everly Brothers, and Hank Williams interspersed with gospels and their own brand of stand up comedy. Like most parades, there are clowns, but not the scary kind - instead, these are locals dressed as silly clowns making balloon animals for the kids...for free. And there are two local men who have created "Stan's Still at the Parade". They dress in overalls (as most of the men in Whalan do) but they also add long haired wigs, and sets of really bad fake teeth and perform little skits that can't be described...they need to be seen. Everyone in town is there along with guests from miles around. Everyone is smiling and enjoying the slower pace. There is no rush.


Most of the time, I find myself rushing from one moment to the next. There are things to be done. There are projects at work to be completed, errands to be accomplished, and duties to be fulfilled. I know that I'm often so focused on what must be done next, that I'm not really in the moment of what I'm doing right now. Sometimes, moments are just passing by. My visit to Whalan yesterday was a reminder to me that life doesn't need to be a frantic, fast-paced parade. I was reminded of the beauty of taking a slower pace, even a stand still pace. 


So maybe today, you can spend a little time moving a bit slower, perhaps even standing still. Trust me, the world won't pass you by. In fact, it may even stand still with you for just a little while.

Be Careful, Sammy

She negotiates the ladders and climbing platforms with expert skill utilizing every trick of balance and motion that she has learned in her lifetime of 22 months. She has perfect concentration as she looks ahead to determine where she will go next and what she will have to do to get there. She is confident.  When she approaches the large green slide, she never hesitates but immediately gets into position at the top.  She is brave.  And with her hands straight out from her sides, she flies down the slide with the most wonderfully big smile. She is happy. She lands safely at the bottom. She is safe.

She continues her journey through this new playground, investigating every corner, every swing, and every tunnel. I stand nearby watching her every movement, marveling as I see her learning and experiencing new things, and laughing along with her as she finds such joy in play. But I am ready also, ready in case she has a problem, in case she falters, in case she needs me in any way. If she needs me, I will be there to help with whatever she encounters.

She comes upon something new – a suspension bridge that sits between two platforms.  She stands on the first platform assessing the bridge and I can tell she is trying to puzzle through what it is and what she is supposed to do. After only a short moment of contemplation, she cautiously steps one foot on the bridge and then the other. It is secured tightly so that it doesn’t swing back and forth, but it does bounce and she is immediately aware that it is less than sturdy footing. And this is when I hear her say to herself “Be careful, Sammy.”

She very tentatively takes another step, and then another with a bit more confidence. But I hear her say to herself one more time as she continues on her journey, “Be careful, Sammy.”

As I hear her, I am so proud of her bravery to try something new, and so proud of her intelligence that she knows there are times she will need to be careful. She is surrounded in life by an army of people who love her and will stop at nothing to protect her. But I have the knowledge that 46 years of living has brought to me, and I know that there will be so many times ahead of her that she will need to be cautious on her own.  And even though so many of us who love her will always be nearby, sometimes she will be crossing a bridge by herself. I know what she hasn’t yet learned. I know that there will be lots of moments in her life when she will be afraid, or sad, or disappointed. I know that there are going to be lots of moments when she will need to be careful and to closely guard herself, her convictions, her heart. And I hope that when those times come, she won’t forget that little voice reminding her to “Be careful, Sammy.”

But I also know that it is those times of caution that teach us such important lessons about ourselves and about the world around us. I have no doubt that Sammy will grow and thrive along with each lesson learned, and in addition, she will have a million more moments of fun, adventure, discovery and laughter. She will climb the ladders, swing high on the swings, and cross the bridges when necessary, and I know that she will always “Be careful, Sammy.”

Keeping Your Eyes Open For The Moment

Last weekend I had the opportunity once again, to join my mom, my sisters, and one of my nieces for a quilting retreat in Little Falls, MN. I am not a quilter but I attend because I love spending the time with these women who are my best friends, meeting their quilter friends, and taking time to relax, read, and drink wine.

On Saturday morning, I took a break from all the wine drinking, grabbed my camera and headed out the door for a long walk along with Mississippi River which runs through the estate where we were staying. I love this time to myself with my camera because I am forced to slow down, to be watchful, and to take a closer look at all the beauty around me. Trees and flowers were blooming everywhere and I was enjoying this time to walk, photograph, and to spend some time with my own thoughts.

I was thinking about how there are so many metaphors for life within photography and that I should explore some of those similarities with you in future blogs. But I was most specifically thinking about the fact that when you are taking pictures, you need to be prepared to capture whatever comes your way. This means keeping your eyes open and being aware of everything that is going on around you. This is actually the primary reason that I enjoy photography because in my day-to-day life, I am so busy doing a multitude of tasks, that I often missing more than I’m actually observing. However, with a camera in hand, I suddenly see things I hadn’t noticed – the curve of a flower petal in bloom, the light as it comes in through a window, the lines on my mother’s hand that give evidence of the life she has lived. I don’t want to miss these things because, for me, they are where the beauty of life resides.

Anyway, I was having these "deep" thoughts and was so lost in my reverie that I actually wasn’t doing what I was telling myself I needed to do! I was walking and thinking so deeply that I was taken completely surprise by a bald eagle who suddenly took flight immediately in front of me. Now, there is certainly nothing wrong with daydreaming, but had my eyes been fully open and I had been completely in the moment, I probably would have seen him much sooner which would have allowed me the time to raise my camera to my eye and to focus on what was in front of me. However, instead, I panicked as I tried to grab the shot and what you see above is the result.

Although it is out of focus because I tried to move with the eagle, I actually really like this image. To me, it represents the power of the eagle, the speed of his flight, and his almost ghostly presence.

But it also serves as an important reminder to me to keep my eyes open and to stay in the moment, before it becomes just a blurry memory.