I Want More Of The "Now"...

On my way in to work, this morning, I noticed some very sad and forlorn-looking flowers.  I imagined that they are suddently realizing that summer is ending much too quickly and anticipating that soon the warm days of sunshine will be only a memory. I’m not sure that I’ve ever so fully related to how a flower feels but this morning, I realized that I’ve been having the same sense of summer’s departure and for that, I find myself just a little bit sad.

It seems to be the same way every year. Summer stretches before me like a lazy cat and I find myself daydreaming of all the wonderful ways that I will fill the days.  I anticipate BBQ’s, wine on the patio, bike rides, trips up north, time with my family, a road trip or two, floating in a lake, opening the windows to smell the fresh cut grass, parades, festivals, and all the other joys that long summer days hold.  Over the years, I’ve even gotten better at making sure that some (if not most) of these daydreams actually become reality. I make time to enjoy these little moments so as not to lose a moment that summer has to offer.

But these moments pass quickly and the days disappear, every year a bit faster.  I find myself listening to radio ads for the State Fair and though I eagerly anticipate a visit there to enjoy some deep fried pickles and a cold glass of beer, I also know that it signals the close of yet another summer.

Though I feel like I’ve appreciated and enjoyed all that summer has given me this year, I can’t help but feel selfish. I want to stamp my feet and pout that “it just isn’t enough”. I want more.  I don’t want to let go of the longer days filled with so many of the things that I love. And, even though I know on a rational level, that Fall and Winter will also bring their own kind of wonderful moments, I still find myself wanting more of the “now”.

Over the past three weeks, though I couldn’t attend them all because of my new job, there have been funerals - a former co-worker who died quite young, the mother of one of my oldest friends, and the father of my sister-in-law.  I know that my sister-in-law would say that in spite of her grief, there are things she is grateful for  - of course, to have had her Dad for many years, but also to have had an opportunity to tell him how much she loved him, to tell him what he meant to her, and to tell him a final good-bye. But we have all lost people that we love and I know that each of these people, those who passed and those who are left behind, would also say they didn't want to let go. They wanted more... more of the “now”. Whatever their beliefs for what is next, they would say that the “now” is never enough.

Unfortunately, Summer turns to Fall and Fall becomes Winter. Days go on. Our lives continue to change. We can’t hold onto the “now” forever.  There is no remedy other than to soothe the sadness as I hope I have done this summer by enjoying the moments that are given to me. Living in them fully. Telling the people I love….that I love them.  And making peace with the passing of summer days.

I hope that you are enjoying the moments of summer and looking with anticipation to all that comes next.  And, maybe I’ll see you in a couple weeks at the Fair…you can find me enjoying the moment with a beer in my hand!

Walk In Like You Own The Place....

Every time I look at this photo, I really have to laugh. This is my first day of fifth grade and I am pictured here with my friend, Katie, standing on the front step of  my parent's house - a "first day of school" tradition. We are a study in contrasts and yet we were the best of friends. 


Me: My perfectly smoothed and barretted hair, the rust colored wire framed glasses, the coordinating rust colored jumpsuit handmade with love by my mom, white patent leather shoes, a backpack over my shoulders filled with coordinating school supplies, and an extremely large lunchbox filled with a lunch....also homemade with love by my mom. 


My friend Katie: Short, natural curly hair which was a hint to her future passion for beauty trends, a funky t-shirt, corduroy pants, earth shoes, and all her school supplies stuffed into a black Hefty garbage bag. 


She is the epitome of cool and I am the epitome of... Geek...but we were friends...and we were nervous about our first day, but also so excited about the first day of school and all the opportunities in the year ahead of us.


I've had many first days....school, first days of being a wife, first days of being a mother, and, like today, first days of a new job. Yet no matter how many times you face a first day and no matter how excited you might be about what it represents, you might also feel a bit nervous or a bit apprehensive about this "first".  Last night, as I was preparing myself for my first day at a new job, I received an email from my dad and it was just what I needed to face the day. 


Dad has given me so much advice over the years and he has always been consistent in his themes - checking your car oil frequently in order to protect your engine was always a favorite message. Don't take any wooden nickles. Always remember to "hang in there".  And another, which he reminded me of last night, was relating to my nervous feelings about this new endeavor. He told me "Just smile and walk in like you own the place."  Volumes of self help and professional/personal development books have been written about what Dad summed up in just these few words. Basically, if you can at least portray an image of confidence, you may believe it yourself and as a result, others might believe it allowing you time to earn the right to hold such confidence. It was exactly what I needed to hear to give me the confidence as I approached my first day.


So, how was my first day of work at my new job?? Fabulous! The people were warm and welcoming, the office environment is casual and quiet, the work will be challenging and full of opportunity. I am thrilled about this first day and looking forward to the second day, the third day, etc. 


So are you faced with any "firsts" coming up that are making you nervous? The best advice I can share with you is just "Smile and walk in like you own the place".


ps: The following picture is me today on my first day of work. Some things haven't changed - I'm still color coordinated, wearing patent leather shoes, and carrying a bag with a few coordinating office supplies. But a few things have changed. I've celebrated and struggled through many first days. I've added a few (well-earned) wrinkles around my eyes. And my glasses are now plastic framed "cheaters". But essentially, I'm still the girl going off to fifth grade with lots of nerves but much more excitement about what lies ahead.

Looking Back and Looking Forward

Very soon I will be saying good-bye to a job and a place where I've spent the majority of my waking hours for the last 7.5 years. As my days now seem to be filled with saying good-bye, I've had a chance to think back about the last years and to consider some of what they have been to me. These haven't been easy years for me, and for many others, both personally and professionally. 

In 2006, I lost my nephew very unexpectedly. It left a scar on my heart that in some ways, I hope will never heal. I wear it proudly as it represents the love and respect that I had for a great young man, and is a reminder to me of his tremendous life. Shortly after, we also lost my brother-in-law and father-in-law within just weeks of each other. Again, they were good men who had already contributed so much, and we all felt cheated that we didn't have more time with them. Those were very difficult times and I was so thankful to be surrounded by family and friends who "had my back", who tried to understand, and who let me grieve as I needed to.

In 2008, we started to experience the downward spiral of the economy. For John and I, we were caught in a "trifecta of potential career disaster" with our livelihoods depending on the housing industry, the financial industry, and the meetings/events industry. Everyone around us was similarly impacted by the economy and though nobody is out of the woods yet (will we ever be?), I am so proud of the fact that we were able to hold on the best we could. There were some pretty scary years and I'm thankful that we were both able to maintain our careers allowing us now the opportunity to build for the future.

For myself professionally, my day-to-day work was filled with constant change and tremendous uncertainty. I was in a position where I needed to continually adapt, support and manage through change. There were some times that were very stressful but I was always thankful to have an amazing group of peers going through the same uncertainty with me who were willing to have honest and open conversations, and most importantly, always remembered how important it was to laugh occasionally in the face of crisis.

Difficult times may have marked some of these years; however, by no means are they all that I will remember. I choose to look back on these years and also remember some of the most amazing moments. 
*  Watching my daughter, Mollie, graduate from high school and go on to create her own (amazing) life in college. She will be graduating next Spring and I am so proud of what she has accomplished and so eager to watch her continue to flourish.
*  Seeing my daughter, Jennifer, graduate from college and begin building her own life with her husband. She has grown from a beautiful little girl into a beautiful woman and I'm honored each day to be able to be part of her life.
* Celebrating the births of my grandchildren. They bring me a joy that I can't even describe. When they are around, it is all about them in the best way possible - not because they demand it (well, maybe just a bit since they are only 2 years old and 6 months) - but more so, because when they around, it just seems like nothing else matters. I am thrilled to be able to focus on them and I don't want to miss a second.
* We've celebrated so many important family milestones: marriages, anniversaries, birthdays, the list goes on and on- supplying us with laughter and so many good memories.

Looking back, I realize that hard times and good times have sometimes come hand-in-hand.  Looking forward, I know that will continue to be. 

But I hope that the things that have carried me through these years (family, friends, peers) will continue to stand by my side.  That is my hope for you too. Whether you are right now in the midst of a good day or a bad day, a good year or a bad year, I want you to know that you are not alone, and that if you ever need someone who might understand....I am here.

Is This Reality?

Amber from “Teen Moms” gains celebrity for fighting with her boyfriend and waging war against him using her own little girl.  The ladies (trust me, I’m using that term very loosely) of “Housewives of New York City” hold celebrity status for spreading vicious rumors about each other, whining non-stop, sabotaging one another’s businesses, and even occasionally threatening their friends with bodily harm. The Kardashians portray a world in which the only thing that matters is image – even at the cost of true character.  Snooki and JWoww have lives focused solely on their current boyfriend or hook-up. Maybe you enjoy watching these reality shows (they are sometimes good for a laugh)... or maybe you don’t. I’m not judging these people or those who follow their lives. I’ve been known to get drawn into a marathon of “Say Yes To The Dress” and have laughed hysterically at the ridiculous, childish, downright mean, and sometimes legitimately “cray cray” antics of these women. In many cases, the worse character traits they represent, the more fun they are to watch (and the more famous they become). But whether you watch them or not, it is difficult to avoid their disturbing portrayal of today’s woman.

It all makes me wonder…in whose reality do these women truly exist?

The women of reality TV are nothing like the real women that I have known. The women I know are intelligent, strong, confident, independent, funny, and compassionate.  They are women who are focused on improving their minds through education or building their own businesses and careers. They are women who honor the responsibility of parenting and who also respect the wisdom of older generations. They are women who can create things of beauty, who bring passion to the world, and who share tremendous amounts of humor – sometimes even in the face of great pain. They support each other and encourage one another to be better. They show up when needed. These are the women that I’ve known. These are the women of my reality.

When I was growing up, TV brought me role models of what a woman can and could be. From Marlo Thomas on “That Girl” to Mary Tyler Moore – these women were smart, funny, caring, and making their lives matter. However, I think it is difficult today for young girls to find such role models on TV. And in fact, it is practically impossible for young girls today to completely avoid the outrageous stories about reality celebrity’s misadventures…and their resulting "idolized" status. It is so important for women of all ages to prove to the youngest generations what it is to be a real woman. I encourage you to take a moment today to help a young girl see what a real woman is.

It’s OK for Amber and LuAnne to live on our tv’s…as long as their behaviors don’t live in our homes.  It’s OK for us to laugh about Snooki and Kim... as long as we pay tribute to the true “reality” of women. 

We are not what the media and reality TV shows would like us to believe. We are better than that.

“Here's to Good Women…
May we be them...

May we know them…
May we raise them.”

Secure Your Own Oxygen Mask Before Helping Others...

There is much to be learned in travel. Experiencing new cultures, seeing new places, and meeting new people expands your world and your mind. However, there are also lessons to be learned in the most mundane and routine of places and activities; specifically at the airport and while in flight. From the time you enter the airport until you are safely returned to the ground once again, various signs and announcements remind us not only of some basic rules of travel but also some more important life lessons. 


1. "There will be a fee for excess baggage."  We all carry baggage from our past - good and bad. But if you allow yourself to carry too much with you, you will likely have to pay a price whether it be a financial cost or the cost of your health or mental well-being. Don't carry with you what you no longer need. Keep the good stuff and leave the bad stuff behind. It will lighten your load, allow you to move forward much easier, and eliminate the need for "excess fees". 


2. "Please maintain control of your children at all times." Admittedly, not easily done but your life's journey and that of your children will be much eased when parents stay involved, and lead the way until their children are ready to navigate their own journey. 


3. "Do not accept packages from unknown persons." Enough said. 


But perhaps the most meaningful reminder is given to us in the safety address of every flight attendant prior to take-off..."Secure your own oxygen mask before helping others."  For many of us, this can be very difficult to do. We believe that only through complete self-sacrifice can we truly help the people we love. However, in fact, the opposite is true. And it isn't arrogant or selfish to abide by this principle. It is required for survival. You must allow yourself to be healthy and cared for, in order to provide love and care for another in your life. So when the oxygen masks drop, allow yourself a moment to breathe and to take care of yourself, so you can then be there for the others who need your care. 


I guess life's lessons are all around us all the time. The trick is being open to hearing them and to making them matter in our own lives. So wherever your travels take you today, remember to be kind to yourself and to be open to the lessons around you. 


I wish you a safe journey.

Thinking About Hair...

I’ve been thinking a lot about hair lately. I’ve had hair down past the middle of my back and hair that was so short, that it was spiked on top. I’ve spent hours obsessing about what should be done with my hair and even more hours actually doing something with it. In fact, I’ve done the math and would estimate that I have likely spent close to one year of my lifetime to-date dealing with my hair. I’ve washed it, dried it, cut it, combed it, brushed it, teased it, dyed it, bleached it, highlighted it, curled it, straightened it, permed it, gelled it, moussed it, sprayed it, styled it. I know that hair may not seem like a very important issue to some of you, but others might understand and I wondered to myself recently “what is so important about hair?”

My daughter has been growing her hair for the last year in anticipation of donating it for cancer patients. Recently, she returned home from college, made the appointment and eagerly went to have her long hair cut into a trendy, shorter hairstyle. Her stylist sectioned off her hair and after checking with Mollie one last time before the cut, she chopped away more than 10 inches. There was no going back. Not that Mollie would have. She had made her decision and was looking forward to her new look, and too, she knew that she was doing something that would benefit another person. She had made her choice and she was excited to make the change.

There’s a difference though between cutting your hair by choice, and having it taken from you in any other way. To lose your hair to age, genetics, or illness is another thing entirely and might not be met with such anticipation or pride. I come from a long line of bald men whose genetics determined long before the first hair had fallen, that they would join the ranks of their ancestors. Knowing what their future holds, they have each held positive outlooks on their impending baldness. In fact one of my brothers attests “the best among us don’t have any hair!” 

Though they might not complain, their loss was beyond their control much as it is for anyone losing their hair to illness. I think it is that loss of control that would be the most difficult to deal with. We want to believe that we can control our bodies, and that we should have the final say in what happens to our bodies. But again, aging, genetics and illness can derail that belief reminding us that sometimes even those things that we think define us, can be out of our hands.

I’ve known two women in recent months who have reclaimed that power and brought it back to their control. Both are dealing with very different types of cancers but facing the same side effect to treatment, loss of their hair. And, yet both of these women, did not wait for the illness to steal their hair, but instead bravely took the first step and cut their own hair. They gathered friends and family who would understand for support. They purchased wigs or head scarves. And they courageously (and with great humor) took back control. I believe it is this same bravery and sense of power, that will allow them both to fight their illness and, more importantly, to heal.

But, I come back to my original question, “what is so important about hair”? Is it about vanity, control, sense of self? The answer is “it doesn’t need to have a reason – it just is.” When I was in college, one of my roommates was a beautician - as well as a gifted writer. She once wrote an essay about why her work was so important and the insight she provided was very valuable. She knew that when she went to work each day she had the opportunity….actually the responsibility….to help people when they are vulnerable. She wrote about a young teenage boy whose dad accompanied him to the salon and demanded his long hair be cut short…and the look of defeat in the young man’s eyes as his hair was taken from him.  She knew that, for whatever reasons, his hair was important to him. And she had the ability to make him feel “beautiful” as he sat in her chair – no matter the reason for being there.  She knew that it doesn’t matter why, but sometimes, our hair is important. And her gift was in allowing that to be so, without questioning.

So perhaps your hair is important to you or perhaps you couldn’t care less. Either way, we all have things that represent our sense of self, our sense of control, and by which we define ourselves. You don’t need to justify what it is for you. Just honor it. And, when it seems as though that “thing” might be stolen away, surround yourself with others who will understand and will help you through the moment. And find a way to reclaim the power. 

Take A Moment To See What Is Behind You...

Several years ago, I visited Grand Marais with my parents, sisters, and some of our children. For those of you who have never been to this beautiful Minnesota treasure, I only have five words for you…”Go as soon as possible”.  This tiny harbor village sitting on Lake Superior offers a most rugged beauty, that somehow manages to balance a Minnesota-type “outdoorsy-ness” with an eclectic and quirky vibe of an artist’s community. You can shop at the Ben Franklin (where they have everything from ant killer to Minnetonka Moccasins), you can enjoy dinner at the award-winning “Angry Trout”, you can sit in a colorful Adirondack to watch the lake, or you can stroll along the rocks of Artists Point on the lake.

On this particular family visit, we spent quite a long time walking on Artists Point, and of course, I had my camera at my side to capture each step along the way. As the day wore on and dusk approached, my family made their way back to our cabins for dinner (and likely some wine). However, I remained behind with the intent of trying to capture the beauty of the lighthouse as evening approached. There is an eerie feeling to standing on this narrow rock wall among the mighty Lake Superior and I hoped to get an image that would preserve this mood. I set up my tripod and took several shots as the sun set and the mosquitoes attacked. I was all alone, feeling very much at peace, and absolutely in the moment.

When I could no longer stand the bugs and felt I had a shot that I liked, I packed up all my equipment and started to make my way back along the wall. I was lost in thought and was carefully trying to watch my footing when something made me decide to turn around to look back at the lighthouse. It happened that at that very moment, an antique sailing ship was just coming into the harbor and passing next to the lighthouse. It was a "ghost ship" gliding quietly through the blue fog along the still lake. It was the eerie moment that I couldn’t even have known to hope for. Unfortunately, with my equipment packed and on my back, there was no time to successfully capture the image. I grabbed a quick shot just to prove to myself that it happened but I had missed the chance for a truly remarkable photo. I kicked myself about this all the way back to the cabin and then realized there was no sense in kicking myself anymore…but rather to take a lesson from the experience.

Sometimes you have to turn around to see what you’ve been looking for. We become so focused on moving forward, pushing ourselves through our days with planned agendas, commitments, and to-do lists. But I think it is important to occasionally stop the activity, turn around and look at what is behind you. Not with the intent of kicking yourself over past mistakes, but for the enjoyment of seeing something that you might have missed the first time around. With a different perspective, we can often times see things that weren’t evident to us or see things in a new way. And with that updated image in our mind, we can resume moving forward knowing that we have the full picture.

This is the photo I got when I turned around - you can just barely see the "ghost ship" to the left of the lighthouse.