Looking Back and Looking Forward

Very soon I will be saying good-bye to a job and a place where I've spent the majority of my waking hours for the last 7.5 years. As my days now seem to be filled with saying good-bye, I've had a chance to think back about the last years and to consider some of what they have been to me. These haven't been easy years for me, and for many others, both personally and professionally. 

In 2006, I lost my nephew very unexpectedly. It left a scar on my heart that in some ways, I hope will never heal. I wear it proudly as it represents the love and respect that I had for a great young man, and is a reminder to me of his tremendous life. Shortly after, we also lost my brother-in-law and father-in-law within just weeks of each other. Again, they were good men who had already contributed so much, and we all felt cheated that we didn't have more time with them. Those were very difficult times and I was so thankful to be surrounded by family and friends who "had my back", who tried to understand, and who let me grieve as I needed to.

In 2008, we started to experience the downward spiral of the economy. For John and I, we were caught in a "trifecta of potential career disaster" with our livelihoods depending on the housing industry, the financial industry, and the meetings/events industry. Everyone around us was similarly impacted by the economy and though nobody is out of the woods yet (will we ever be?), I am so proud of the fact that we were able to hold on the best we could. There were some pretty scary years and I'm thankful that we were both able to maintain our careers allowing us now the opportunity to build for the future.

For myself professionally, my day-to-day work was filled with constant change and tremendous uncertainty. I was in a position where I needed to continually adapt, support and manage through change. There were some times that were very stressful but I was always thankful to have an amazing group of peers going through the same uncertainty with me who were willing to have honest and open conversations, and most importantly, always remembered how important it was to laugh occasionally in the face of crisis.

Difficult times may have marked some of these years; however, by no means are they all that I will remember. I choose to look back on these years and also remember some of the most amazing moments. 
*  Watching my daughter, Mollie, graduate from high school and go on to create her own (amazing) life in college. She will be graduating next Spring and I am so proud of what she has accomplished and so eager to watch her continue to flourish.
*  Seeing my daughter, Jennifer, graduate from college and begin building her own life with her husband. She has grown from a beautiful little girl into a beautiful woman and I'm honored each day to be able to be part of her life.
* Celebrating the births of my grandchildren. They bring me a joy that I can't even describe. When they are around, it is all about them in the best way possible - not because they demand it (well, maybe just a bit since they are only 2 years old and 6 months) - but more so, because when they around, it just seems like nothing else matters. I am thrilled to be able to focus on them and I don't want to miss a second.
* We've celebrated so many important family milestones: marriages, anniversaries, birthdays, the list goes on and on- supplying us with laughter and so many good memories.

Looking back, I realize that hard times and good times have sometimes come hand-in-hand.  Looking forward, I know that will continue to be. 

But I hope that the things that have carried me through these years (family, friends, peers) will continue to stand by my side.  That is my hope for you too. Whether you are right now in the midst of a good day or a bad day, a good year or a bad year, I want you to know that you are not alone, and that if you ever need someone who might understand....I am here.

Is This Reality?

Amber from “Teen Moms” gains celebrity for fighting with her boyfriend and waging war against him using her own little girl.  The ladies (trust me, I’m using that term very loosely) of “Housewives of New York City” hold celebrity status for spreading vicious rumors about each other, whining non-stop, sabotaging one another’s businesses, and even occasionally threatening their friends with bodily harm. The Kardashians portray a world in which the only thing that matters is image – even at the cost of true character.  Snooki and JWoww have lives focused solely on their current boyfriend or hook-up. Maybe you enjoy watching these reality shows (they are sometimes good for a laugh)... or maybe you don’t. I’m not judging these people or those who follow their lives. I’ve been known to get drawn into a marathon of “Say Yes To The Dress” and have laughed hysterically at the ridiculous, childish, downright mean, and sometimes legitimately “cray cray” antics of these women. In many cases, the worse character traits they represent, the more fun they are to watch (and the more famous they become). But whether you watch them or not, it is difficult to avoid their disturbing portrayal of today’s woman.

It all makes me wonder…in whose reality do these women truly exist?

The women of reality TV are nothing like the real women that I have known. The women I know are intelligent, strong, confident, independent, funny, and compassionate.  They are women who are focused on improving their minds through education or building their own businesses and careers. They are women who honor the responsibility of parenting and who also respect the wisdom of older generations. They are women who can create things of beauty, who bring passion to the world, and who share tremendous amounts of humor – sometimes even in the face of great pain. They support each other and encourage one another to be better. They show up when needed. These are the women that I’ve known. These are the women of my reality.

When I was growing up, TV brought me role models of what a woman can and could be. From Marlo Thomas on “That Girl” to Mary Tyler Moore – these women were smart, funny, caring, and making their lives matter. However, I think it is difficult today for young girls to find such role models on TV. And in fact, it is practically impossible for young girls today to completely avoid the outrageous stories about reality celebrity’s misadventures…and their resulting "idolized" status. It is so important for women of all ages to prove to the youngest generations what it is to be a real woman. I encourage you to take a moment today to help a young girl see what a real woman is.

It’s OK for Amber and LuAnne to live on our tv’s…as long as their behaviors don’t live in our homes.  It’s OK for us to laugh about Snooki and Kim... as long as we pay tribute to the true “reality” of women. 

We are not what the media and reality TV shows would like us to believe. We are better than that.

“Here's to Good Women…
May we be them...

May we know them…
May we raise them.”

Secure Your Own Oxygen Mask Before Helping Others...

There is much to be learned in travel. Experiencing new cultures, seeing new places, and meeting new people expands your world and your mind. However, there are also lessons to be learned in the most mundane and routine of places and activities; specifically at the airport and while in flight. From the time you enter the airport until you are safely returned to the ground once again, various signs and announcements remind us not only of some basic rules of travel but also some more important life lessons. 


1. "There will be a fee for excess baggage."  We all carry baggage from our past - good and bad. But if you allow yourself to carry too much with you, you will likely have to pay a price whether it be a financial cost or the cost of your health or mental well-being. Don't carry with you what you no longer need. Keep the good stuff and leave the bad stuff behind. It will lighten your load, allow you to move forward much easier, and eliminate the need for "excess fees". 


2. "Please maintain control of your children at all times." Admittedly, not easily done but your life's journey and that of your children will be much eased when parents stay involved, and lead the way until their children are ready to navigate their own journey. 


3. "Do not accept packages from unknown persons." Enough said. 


But perhaps the most meaningful reminder is given to us in the safety address of every flight attendant prior to take-off..."Secure your own oxygen mask before helping others."  For many of us, this can be very difficult to do. We believe that only through complete self-sacrifice can we truly help the people we love. However, in fact, the opposite is true. And it isn't arrogant or selfish to abide by this principle. It is required for survival. You must allow yourself to be healthy and cared for, in order to provide love and care for another in your life. So when the oxygen masks drop, allow yourself a moment to breathe and to take care of yourself, so you can then be there for the others who need your care. 


I guess life's lessons are all around us all the time. The trick is being open to hearing them and to making them matter in our own lives. So wherever your travels take you today, remember to be kind to yourself and to be open to the lessons around you. 


I wish you a safe journey.

Thinking About Hair...

I’ve been thinking a lot about hair lately. I’ve had hair down past the middle of my back and hair that was so short, that it was spiked on top. I’ve spent hours obsessing about what should be done with my hair and even more hours actually doing something with it. In fact, I’ve done the math and would estimate that I have likely spent close to one year of my lifetime to-date dealing with my hair. I’ve washed it, dried it, cut it, combed it, brushed it, teased it, dyed it, bleached it, highlighted it, curled it, straightened it, permed it, gelled it, moussed it, sprayed it, styled it. I know that hair may not seem like a very important issue to some of you, but others might understand and I wondered to myself recently “what is so important about hair?”

My daughter has been growing her hair for the last year in anticipation of donating it for cancer patients. Recently, she returned home from college, made the appointment and eagerly went to have her long hair cut into a trendy, shorter hairstyle. Her stylist sectioned off her hair and after checking with Mollie one last time before the cut, she chopped away more than 10 inches. There was no going back. Not that Mollie would have. She had made her decision and was looking forward to her new look, and too, she knew that she was doing something that would benefit another person. She had made her choice and she was excited to make the change.

There’s a difference though between cutting your hair by choice, and having it taken from you in any other way. To lose your hair to age, genetics, or illness is another thing entirely and might not be met with such anticipation or pride. I come from a long line of bald men whose genetics determined long before the first hair had fallen, that they would join the ranks of their ancestors. Knowing what their future holds, they have each held positive outlooks on their impending baldness. In fact one of my brothers attests “the best among us don’t have any hair!” 

Though they might not complain, their loss was beyond their control much as it is for anyone losing their hair to illness. I think it is that loss of control that would be the most difficult to deal with. We want to believe that we can control our bodies, and that we should have the final say in what happens to our bodies. But again, aging, genetics and illness can derail that belief reminding us that sometimes even those things that we think define us, can be out of our hands.

I’ve known two women in recent months who have reclaimed that power and brought it back to their control. Both are dealing with very different types of cancers but facing the same side effect to treatment, loss of their hair. And, yet both of these women, did not wait for the illness to steal their hair, but instead bravely took the first step and cut their own hair. They gathered friends and family who would understand for support. They purchased wigs or head scarves. And they courageously (and with great humor) took back control. I believe it is this same bravery and sense of power, that will allow them both to fight their illness and, more importantly, to heal.

But, I come back to my original question, “what is so important about hair”? Is it about vanity, control, sense of self? The answer is “it doesn’t need to have a reason – it just is.” When I was in college, one of my roommates was a beautician - as well as a gifted writer. She once wrote an essay about why her work was so important and the insight she provided was very valuable. She knew that when she went to work each day she had the opportunity….actually the responsibility….to help people when they are vulnerable. She wrote about a young teenage boy whose dad accompanied him to the salon and demanded his long hair be cut short…and the look of defeat in the young man’s eyes as his hair was taken from him.  She knew that, for whatever reasons, his hair was important to him. And she had the ability to make him feel “beautiful” as he sat in her chair – no matter the reason for being there.  She knew that it doesn’t matter why, but sometimes, our hair is important. And her gift was in allowing that to be so, without questioning.

So perhaps your hair is important to you or perhaps you couldn’t care less. Either way, we all have things that represent our sense of self, our sense of control, and by which we define ourselves. You don’t need to justify what it is for you. Just honor it. And, when it seems as though that “thing” might be stolen away, surround yourself with others who will understand and will help you through the moment. And find a way to reclaim the power. 

Take A Moment To See What Is Behind You...

Several years ago, I visited Grand Marais with my parents, sisters, and some of our children. For those of you who have never been to this beautiful Minnesota treasure, I only have five words for you…”Go as soon as possible”.  This tiny harbor village sitting on Lake Superior offers a most rugged beauty, that somehow manages to balance a Minnesota-type “outdoorsy-ness” with an eclectic and quirky vibe of an artist’s community. You can shop at the Ben Franklin (where they have everything from ant killer to Minnetonka Moccasins), you can enjoy dinner at the award-winning “Angry Trout”, you can sit in a colorful Adirondack to watch the lake, or you can stroll along the rocks of Artists Point on the lake.

On this particular family visit, we spent quite a long time walking on Artists Point, and of course, I had my camera at my side to capture each step along the way. As the day wore on and dusk approached, my family made their way back to our cabins for dinner (and likely some wine). However, I remained behind with the intent of trying to capture the beauty of the lighthouse as evening approached. There is an eerie feeling to standing on this narrow rock wall among the mighty Lake Superior and I hoped to get an image that would preserve this mood. I set up my tripod and took several shots as the sun set and the mosquitoes attacked. I was all alone, feeling very much at peace, and absolutely in the moment.

When I could no longer stand the bugs and felt I had a shot that I liked, I packed up all my equipment and started to make my way back along the wall. I was lost in thought and was carefully trying to watch my footing when something made me decide to turn around to look back at the lighthouse. It happened that at that very moment, an antique sailing ship was just coming into the harbor and passing next to the lighthouse. It was a "ghost ship" gliding quietly through the blue fog along the still lake. It was the eerie moment that I couldn’t even have known to hope for. Unfortunately, with my equipment packed and on my back, there was no time to successfully capture the image. I grabbed a quick shot just to prove to myself that it happened but I had missed the chance for a truly remarkable photo. I kicked myself about this all the way back to the cabin and then realized there was no sense in kicking myself anymore…but rather to take a lesson from the experience.

Sometimes you have to turn around to see what you’ve been looking for. We become so focused on moving forward, pushing ourselves through our days with planned agendas, commitments, and to-do lists. But I think it is important to occasionally stop the activity, turn around and look at what is behind you. Not with the intent of kicking yourself over past mistakes, but for the enjoyment of seeing something that you might have missed the first time around. With a different perspective, we can often times see things that weren’t evident to us or see things in a new way. And with that updated image in our mind, we can resume moving forward knowing that we have the full picture.

This is the photo I got when I turned around - you can just barely see the "ghost ship" to the left of the lighthouse.

Experiencing The "Wild Life" in Northern Minnesota!

We, like so many other Minnesotans this past Memorial weekend, took advantage of the opportunity to head “up north” to experience Minnesota’s wildlife. When we first arrived into town, we ran into a couple that we are friends with and Di asked when I would again be updating my blog. I told her I was looking for some inspiration and asked if she had any topics that she would suggest, and she immediately said "why don't you write about wildlife?" We talked for a few minutes about why this topic was important to her and I thought about it myself several times throughout the weekend and this is the conclusion that I came to – we may go up north to experience the wild life (which can come in various forms), but, for some, we keep going back “up north” because of the moments that are less wild.

As we journey north, the landscape changes from multi-lane freeways and Suburbian surroundings, to a two-lane highway (on which the slowest driver in Minnesota is always in front of us) lined by evergreen trees, small towns, and the occasional glimpse of wild animals who make this their home. Over the course of this past weekend, we saw loons, ducks, turtles, deer (one who walked right in front of me during my morning walk), hummingbirds, woodpeckers, squirrels, beavers, dragonflies, and of course, the unavoidable mosquitos. Though we have not yet had the pleasure of meeting some particular woodland neighbors, our friends share stories of nightly encounters in their own backyard with bears and bobcats. The people who live here are fiercely protective of these animals and their right to be there. This is also a place where nature is wild – the sunrises, sunsets, rains, and sunshine somehow seem intensified when you are experiencing them from a cabin in the woods.

There is another kind of wildlife that exists in the northern woods of Minnesota that is equally primal at times and as ever-changing as anything found in nature.  These wild creatures are a nocturnal variety who come out of hiding from the woods each evening as the sun sets seeking nourishment and camaraderie. This wild life is human. And whether they are locals, or visiting lake people, they are all seeking some of the same things – a good meal, a good drink, and a good laugh with friends. We come together as groups of all ages and varying senses of “wild”. Of course, the younger generations tend to have the wildest behaviors providing entertainment for those of us who are a bit older. However, don’t dismiss us from the fun just because of our age. We have had many years of experience in having a good time and still enjoy the laughs, and occasional drama, that is brought about during a wild night at the local establishment. Whether we are native to the area or just visiting, we have formed friendships that are important, very real, and in many ways, critical to our "species survival". Over a freshly baked pizza and an ice cold beer, we listen to the sounds (sometimes good…sometimes not so much) of the karaoke celebrities, share a little gossip, have a few laughs, and celebrate our common good fortune to be enjoying the wild life up north.

However, while it might be wildlife (both the animal and the human) that draw us up north for occasional visits, what makes me return time and time again, are the quieter moments that are so typical of a northern Minnesota weekend. It is about sitting on the deck with a glass of wine in one hand and the one you love seated next to you. It is waking up in the morning to the sound of the loon's mournful song. It is taking a walk through the woods as the birds serenade every step. Relaxing with a good book, watching the lake roll into the shore, sneaking in a late afternoon nap – these are the moments that for me define a weekend up north and that will encourage me to return for as long as I’m able.

I hope that you had a wonderful Memorial weekend. Perhaps you had a chance to experience some form of Minnesota Wild Life or maybe you just walked a quieter path. But my wish for you is that you enjoyed the moments as they came, and set the stage for a summer ahead of moments that will bring you joy. Happy summer!

Stand Still

Most of us have probably heard all about the benefits of slowing down the pace of our lives, but yesterday, I had the opportunity to visit a small Minnesota town that not only slows down, it actually stands still. Whalan, Minnesota (population: "not very many" according to the locals) is host each year to a "Stand Still Parade". The legend is that years ago the residents decided that they wanted to have an annual parade, however; the town is only one block long so they determined it might not work..."the parade would be over before it even started". So they came up with an idea - what if the parade stood still right on the main street in town and people could walk through the parade at their own pace? The idea was genius (even if a bit quirky), and what they enjoy now is a celebration that showcases a small town in Minnesota at its finest.


A typical parade can be a spectacle - so loud and so fast, that you sometimes don't even realize what has just passed by. But a Stand Still parade is much different. There are no screaming fire engines and no clashing marching bands, no Shriners racing by in their mini cars, no unicycle groups showcasing their tricks, and (thankfully) no politicians. What you have instead is a chance to see what is of particular interest to you. You have a chance to stop and visit with the Grand Marshall about his tractor and to take a photo of the "Beef Princess". The veterans Honor Guard is there at the head of the parade as they should be, but they are sitting in formation in folding chairs and they have the opportunity to talk together, laugh, visit with the crowd instead of passing by. There are antique cars parked all along the way allowing time to appreciate the work that each owner has put into their restoration. There is music - "The Bandanas", a group of middle-aged sisters (whose harmonies are like a female barbers quartet) that perform covers of the Judds, the Everly Brothers, and Hank Williams interspersed with gospels and their own brand of stand up comedy. Like most parades, there are clowns, but not the scary kind - instead, these are locals dressed as silly clowns making balloon animals for the kids...for free. And there are two local men who have created "Stan's Still at the Parade". They dress in overalls (as most of the men in Whalan do) but they also add long haired wigs, and sets of really bad fake teeth and perform little skits that can't be described...they need to be seen. Everyone in town is there along with guests from miles around. Everyone is smiling and enjoying the slower pace. There is no rush.


Most of the time, I find myself rushing from one moment to the next. There are things to be done. There are projects at work to be completed, errands to be accomplished, and duties to be fulfilled. I know that I'm often so focused on what must be done next, that I'm not really in the moment of what I'm doing right now. Sometimes, moments are just passing by. My visit to Whalan yesterday was a reminder to me that life doesn't need to be a frantic, fast-paced parade. I was reminded of the beauty of taking a slower pace, even a stand still pace. 


So maybe today, you can spend a little time moving a bit slower, perhaps even standing still. Trust me, the world won't pass you by. In fact, it may even stand still with you for just a little while.