Facing The Next Phase

As most of us do throughout our lifetimes, my daughter Mollie transitioned through a number of phases as she was growing up. Each phase of her story was lived with great passion and commitment but when it was time to move on, that is what she did - moved on to the next step in the journey. I'm trying today to remind myself of this and to learn from the lessons of her phases.

I think it all began when she was about three years old and decided that she would wear nothing but dresses. However, because she was a typical 3-year old, her days were rough and tumble. Looking back, I think I might have been able to pay for her first year of college with what we spent in new pairs of tights alone. Each day, she would run off in her dress and a fresh pair of white tights. And each day, she would come home wearing tights that were barely held together by the runs in each knee.

The dress phase gave way to the leggings phase. One day, for no specific reason that I can recall, she decided that she would no longer wear dresses...at all. And instead, we invested in a wardrobe that consisted only of black leggings and coordinating tops (much as my own wardrobe does now actually.)

Then came the denim head scarf years which were likely brought about by the "my hair is on vacation today" phase. For nearly 2 years, she wore a little denim head scarf every single day. Knowing that she took this fashion accessory very seriously, I tried to buy her other scarves to wear and in a pinch, she would occasionally force herself. But it seemed to work best to just keep washing her favorite scarf until it was faded, and shredded, and took up permanent residence in my cedar chest.

It seems at that point, her phases became more intellectual. For many years, she dreamed of being an Egyptologist someday. She even mummified my childhood Ken doll and created a sarcophogus for him from an old shoe box as a school project (he lies, still mummified, next to her denim scarf in my cedar chest.).

All these phases carried her though grade school, her high school years, and to her most recent phases of college, then graduating, and now, just yesterday, she began a new phase - living on her own away from home. She is happy and so excited and though I will miss her and occasionally worry, I am reassured by the fact that she always faces each new life phase with passion and commitment and each new phase has been better than the one before.

This is where the lesson lies for me as well. Because, as she transitions on to this next phase, I am facing my own transition as well. I've called John and I "empty nesters" before - each Fall when she would return to school. But the truth is, I always knew she would be coming home each summer. It was only a temporary phase. That's not the case this time, it is likely that John and I are truly full time, permanent, for the rest of our lives, empty nesters now. And, I'm allowing myself to "mourn" the past phase just  a bit today...and today only. Because the reality is that I know this next phase will be exciting and full of amazing experiences and many happy days. 

My brother, Steven, is also moving on to a new phase of his life this weekend. On Friday, he served his final day as a police officer with the Crystal Police Department. After 32 years of service, this "job" has been a part of his identity, his co-workers have become his family, and I expect for him, moving on to the next phase might be leaving him with the same sense of regret and yet, excitement for what comes next that I'm experiencing too.

I've long held the belief that some of the greatest lessons in life can be taught to us by watching our children and being open to the lessons that their lives have for us. So, it's with this in mind that I look back up on dress and legging years, denim head scarves, and all the other phases that Mollie went through as she found her way in life. And I know that most phases of our life, while loved and enjoyed, are only temporary and are meant to bring us to the next step. So we box up memories of the old, and put them in cedar chests to be taken out and held every now and then. But more importantly, we face the new phase with equal passion and a sense for adventure and anticipation of what lies ahead.

Wherever you find yourself today, whatever phase of life you are in, I hope that you are living the day and enjoying the moments as they come.