Twenty Five Years...Passed In Only A Series Of Moments...

As our 25^th wedding anniversary approaches, I’ve been thinking about what I’ve learned over the last 25 years – what “wisdom” would I  share about marriage with those who are just starting out on their lives together. And here is what I’ve come up with… absolutely nothing. I’m not sure that I know anything more about marriage now than I did when John and I took our vows in 1989 – except this – it’s sometimes the best thing in the world and it’s sometimes that hardest thing in the world. I have no wisdom about what makes it great or what to do when it’s hard. But as I’ve been looking back through photos and watching our wedding video, what has struck me most is the different makeup of our lives, not because of who John and I are, but because of the different people who have been around us. Family photos taken that day twenty five years ago make me think of the people who celebrated with us and, unfortunately, are no longer here. And it makes me think about the people who weren’t there that day, but celebrate our lives with us now each day.

When we married, we had a very small wedding – just our immediate family. Therefore, family photos taken that day are not only a document of every person who was at the wedding with us, but document who our family was at that time. Since that day, our family has suffered losses.

My Grandma Hart, who was such a great role model for me as a young woman – she was independent, funny, caring, and open to life – was with us to celebrate. It was a long journey for her to make and I remember feeling so fortunate to have her with us. Part of me knew that our future years together would be limited and I so appreciated each moment that I had to spend with her.

Of course, John’s Dad Clete was there with us that day. Clete was a strong man who knew exactly what he wanted and wouldn’t accept anything less. He was a hard worker and I remember most about him that he deeply loved his wife, Helen, and was never afraid to show her. These are the traits that have carried over to his son and I am thankful every day for the man that he raised John to be.

Standing by our side that day, was my brother-in-law, Dave.  I have never met a kinder or more gentle soul than he. He had an amazing laugh and when his daughter Chelsea was born just a few years later, I don’t know that there ever was a father who was happier. He loved life…or at least seemed to. When we lost him several years ago, we realized that he had been facing his own sorrows for some time. I regret deeply that our best man didn’t know how good he truly was and how much there was to live for.

My nephew, Mike, was there to celebrate with us. He was at that awkward age for boys and I’m very certain that dressing up for a wedding, sitting quietly at a ceremony, and eating a fancy meal were not on his wish list for that day. But with Mike, he just lived in the moment and celebrated each moment as it came. He loved being with family and so I know that he was happy that day as he had time with his grandparents, or to hear his uncles tell stories, joke around with his sisters and cousins. He was with us that day to celebrate and he grew into a man during the course of our marriage. When we lost him in 2006, we came together again...to celebrate his life. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t remember him and I feel his presence every time our family comes together still.


But it isn’t all loss over the past years –  I’m also reminded of all the people who weren’t there that day, were not yet a part of our lives, but now…we can’t imagine a life without them. Mollie, Sammy, Joey, Joe and Christian, more nieces and nephews, and great nieces and nephews  have enriched our lives. They make our marriage more beautiful each day with the addition of their love and we are so blessed.

On that day in 1989, we had no idea what the future would hold. We knew there would be challenges, losses, and disappointments along with the certainty of laughter, and new love, and joy. As I consider what this means for the next 25 years, I know that again, there will be difficult times. But I'm comforted by the knowledge that we will have laughter and love to sustain us through those times.

My wish for you in this moment is that you know too. Moments are fleeting. Some are very bad and some are very good. But don't ever be tempted to ignore the moment you are in.  Together, they make up our lives.