Frankly My Dear, I Don't Give A Damn...

My daughter, who is studying psychology at St. Olaf, called me earlier this week to discuss a psycho-analysis that she was reading in one of her textbooks.  At first, this made me a bit nervous – “Oh Lord”, I thought, “Here we begin with my own child starting to analyze me.”  (Not that I wouldn’t benefit from a little bit of psycho-analysis, of course, but I still like to think of myself as her parent as opposed to her patient.)  Anyway, I was relieved when she began to tell me about the case study because it quickly became clear that we were not talking about me, and that in fact, I have raised Mollie so well, that she could quickly and easily identify the woman being described – since I’ve introduced her to this woman, and raised her on her lessons.  It was none other than my ultimate role model, Scarlett O’Hara, of “Gone With The Wind”.

I first saw “Gone With The Wind” when I was a little girl. Sitting in front of the TV, watching the movie with my mom, I had no idea of the impact that was about to be made. True confession time:  since then, I have watched the movie more than a hundred times, I’ve repeatedly read the book, I’ve even read the sequel to the original book several times (even though, at heart, I’m a purist and know the sequel doesn’t really belong in the same category), and just a few months ago, I made a pilgrimage to Atlanta to visit Oakland Cemetery and the burial site of Margaret Mitchell, the novel’s author.  I am not lying and not exaggerating to say that not a day goes by when I don’t hear the voice of Scarlett (or one of the movie’s other characters) in my head as I go about living my days.

For example, when walking into a meeting that I fear might be somewhat contentious, I can hear Mammy say in her Southern growl “and you sittin’ there waitin’ for him, just like a spider.”

When enjoying a glass of wine, I can hear Rhett say “I’m very drunk and I intend on getting still drunker before this evening’s over.” Way to claim it, Rhett!

Or, when faced with a problem that I can’t immediately find a solution for, it’s best to go with Scarlett’s key strategy “I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow.”

When asked to do something that I’ve never done before, I can hear Prissy in the back of my mind saying “I don’t know nothin’ bout birthin’ no babies.”

And when I hold one of my grandchildren, I hear Melanie's soft voice saying “Whatever happens, I’ll love you just as I do now…until I die.”

And finally, if I’m down and think I just can’t stand again, I hear Scarlett swear to God that she will not be broken…“As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again.”

The psycho-analysis of Scarlett would likely be hotly debated by opposing viewpoints.  Was she a selfish, stupid, stereotypical Southern Belle? Or was she a strong, business woman, who was actually ahead of her time in many ways?  How was her psyche impacted by the death of her father, of her mother, and of her own child? Did the war create her personality or was it only due to her personality that she was able to survive the horrors of war? To be honest, I don’t know. And, frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.

I love her regardless of her psychology.  I think Scarlett is a true and real woman, flawed and yet somehow perfect at the same time. She is driven by the world around her and the needs of her family, but she has her own needs and desires as well and she goes after what she wants with passion. Scarlett knows where she came from and she honors Tara as not just a piece of land, but as her home from where she draws her strength “Do you mean to tell me, Katie Scarlett O’Hara that Tara doesn’t mean anything to you? Why land is the only thing in the world worth workin’ for, worth dyin’ for, because it’s the only thing that lasts”. 

And, perhaps, most tragic of all, Scarlett doesn’t realize until it is too late, that she has had all she ever wanted all along but just didn't recognize it…(Ok, this part always get me, by this point in the movie, I am weeping so hard that I can barely breathe…)

Scarlett:  Oh Rhett, but I knew tonight, when I knew I loved you, I ran home to tell you, oh darling, darling!

Rhett:  Please don't go on with this, leave us some dignity to remember out of our marriage. Spare us this last.

Scarlett:  This last? Oh Rhett, do listen to me, I must have loved you for years, only I was such a stupid fool, I didn't know it. Please believe me, you must care!

Rhett:  No Scarlett, I tried everything. If you'd only met me half way, even when I came back from London.

Scarlett:  I was so glad to see you. I was, Rhett, but you were so nasty.

Rhett:  And then when you were sick, it was all my fault... I hoped against hope that you'd call for me, but you didn't.

Scarlett:  I wanted you. I wanted you desperately but I didn't think you wanted me.

Rhett:  It seems we've been at cross purposes, doesn't it? But it's no use now.

Scarlett:  Oh, Rhett, Rhett please don't say that. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry for everything.

Rhett:  My darling, you're such a child. You think that by saying, "I'm sorry," all the past can be corrected. Here, take my handkerchief. Never, at any crisis of your life, have I known you to have a handkerchief.

Ah…so many lessons to be learned.

And yet, even when she realizes, even when she is once again at her lowest point, Scarlett, like so many real women, finds the strength to raise her head once again and find renewed hope in what makes her strong…


”Tara! Home. I'll go home. And I'll think of some way to get him back. After all... tomorrow is another day.”


I hope you find the strength that you need for all the moments of your day. I hope that you recognize the beauty of what is in front of you before it is gone. And I hope that you always have hope for tomorrow and a place to call home.

(I've been working my way through boxes of old family photos of my ancestors handed down to me. Today, I discovered among these antique photos, this picture that my Grandma had stuck in one of the boxes. This is me when I was about 12 years old visiting my Grandma Hart in Pine River. She had this dress and wanted me to try it on because it was so "Gone With The Wind".  With the veil, I may look like a bride but I wasn't dreaming of being a bride, I was dreaming of being Scarlett O'Hara.)