5 Great Reasons Why Empty Nesting Is Awesome!...I Tell Myself...

My daughter, Mollie, headed back to college yesterday and today I am celebrating my first day (once again) as an “Empty Nester”. I remember well three years ago when she left for her Freshman year, there were friends and family who I think feared for my well-being in dealing with her absence. I was proud to prove them wrong by quickly adjusting to my new life. It wasn’t that I didn’t miss Mollie…I missed her terribly. But I had the security of knowing that she was in a place that she loved, with people that were good to her, that she was doing what she wanted to do to create her own life. And if I could just make it through the school year, she would be home for the summer. I was proud of her…and I was proud of me. Today, as I welcome another school year, I started to think about all the benefits of being an Empty Nester and came up with “5 Great Reasons Why Empty Nesting Is Awesome”…

1.        Less laundry and fewer dishes to wash. Your workload changes dramatically when your child heads off to college. Suddenly, you are doing laundry and dishes for one less person meaning I will likely go from laundry duty at least twice each week to only one time a week at most. Since John and I rarely eat large meals when she is away, our dishes will amount to wine glasses and the occasional plate. Less workload means more time for me.

2.       More space in the house without all the extra college stuff. Each year when she comes home, we need to store all the necessary elements of daily survival that she requires the other 9 months of the year. This not only means additional clothes, but bedding, towels, toiletry products, TV’s, workout stuff, books, books, and more books, winter boots, winter jackets, tv stands, chairs, futons, tables…you get the picture. It is a lot of stuff and I have now reclaimed my home and my exercise room! No more excuses!

3.       I can reclaim the TV remote! Throughout the summer, I seem to find myself watching things that I would not normally watch – Criminal Minds, Carl Sagan-type Cosmos documentaries, and endless Bridezilla marathons. Now I can control the TV remote and can refocus on the shows that I like to watch. (Can't wait for the premier of "Revenge"!)

4.       My time is once again my own. With nobody else's agenda to consider (except John’s of course), I get to determine when and where I go shopping, or take a walk, or do my nails, or read a book, or anything else I want to do. My time is my own and I get to choose how to fill it.

5.       Freedom to turn up the music really loud, drink wine, and walk around wearing…anything or nothing. Everyone remembers that “my parents are out of town for the weekend”. It is remarkably similar to the joy found in empty nesting!

Yep – 5 Great Reasons Why Empty Nesting Is Awesome….at least, that’s what I tell myself. But here’s the thing. I don’t mind doing her laundry and fewer dishes really  just means fewer meals together. Having her stuff around reminds me of the person she is and I sort of miss tripping over her shoes sometimes. I can run the remote but watching TV is always more fun when she is around – we talk about what we are watching and we have lots of laughs. Yes, my time is my own…but what’s so bad about planning your day around someone else’s? I liked shopping with her, and taking walks, and talking about the books we were reading.  And Yes – I have the freedom to turn up the music really loud and walk around wearing whatever I do or don’t want to….but honestly, do I ever really do that?

Three years ago when she left for the first time, I managed pretty easily. But for some reason, I’m finding it a bit more difficult this year. I think it’s because this is her Senior year. In the past, I knew she would be at school for 9 months but then she would come home for awhile. This year, I don’t really know what the future will hold. I hope that she will be coming home again, but her life is her own and she will determine where it leads her. I don’t have the absolute certainty of more summers ahead.

But, for now, I focus on these 5 Great Reasons and I’ll keep focusing on them until I have myself convinced. I’ll enjoy a different way of living and look forward to the moments when she does come home for a visit. In the meantime, I’ll spend the time catching up on what I want to do. And, don’t worry, if I decide to pursue “Reason #5”, I’ll keep the blinds closed!

I Want More Of The "Now"...

On my way in to work, this morning, I noticed some very sad and forlorn-looking flowers.  I imagined that they are suddently realizing that summer is ending much too quickly and anticipating that soon the warm days of sunshine will be only a memory. I’m not sure that I’ve ever so fully related to how a flower feels but this morning, I realized that I’ve been having the same sense of summer’s departure and for that, I find myself just a little bit sad.

It seems to be the same way every year. Summer stretches before me like a lazy cat and I find myself daydreaming of all the wonderful ways that I will fill the days.  I anticipate BBQ’s, wine on the patio, bike rides, trips up north, time with my family, a road trip or two, floating in a lake, opening the windows to smell the fresh cut grass, parades, festivals, and all the other joys that long summer days hold.  Over the years, I’ve even gotten better at making sure that some (if not most) of these daydreams actually become reality. I make time to enjoy these little moments so as not to lose a moment that summer has to offer.

But these moments pass quickly and the days disappear, every year a bit faster.  I find myself listening to radio ads for the State Fair and though I eagerly anticipate a visit there to enjoy some deep fried pickles and a cold glass of beer, I also know that it signals the close of yet another summer.

Though I feel like I’ve appreciated and enjoyed all that summer has given me this year, I can’t help but feel selfish. I want to stamp my feet and pout that “it just isn’t enough”. I want more.  I don’t want to let go of the longer days filled with so many of the things that I love. And, even though I know on a rational level, that Fall and Winter will also bring their own kind of wonderful moments, I still find myself wanting more of the “now”.

Over the past three weeks, though I couldn’t attend them all because of my new job, there have been funerals - a former co-worker who died quite young, the mother of one of my oldest friends, and the father of my sister-in-law.  I know that my sister-in-law would say that in spite of her grief, there are things she is grateful for  - of course, to have had her Dad for many years, but also to have had an opportunity to tell him how much she loved him, to tell him what he meant to her, and to tell him a final good-bye. But we have all lost people that we love and I know that each of these people, those who passed and those who are left behind, would also say they didn't want to let go. They wanted more... more of the “now”. Whatever their beliefs for what is next, they would say that the “now” is never enough.

Unfortunately, Summer turns to Fall and Fall becomes Winter. Days go on. Our lives continue to change. We can’t hold onto the “now” forever.  There is no remedy other than to soothe the sadness as I hope I have done this summer by enjoying the moments that are given to me. Living in them fully. Telling the people I love….that I love them.  And making peace with the passing of summer days.

I hope that you are enjoying the moments of summer and looking with anticipation to all that comes next.  And, maybe I’ll see you in a couple weeks at the Fair…you can find me enjoying the moment with a beer in my hand!

Walk In Like You Own The Place....

Every time I look at this photo, I really have to laugh. This is my first day of fifth grade and I am pictured here with my friend, Katie, standing on the front step of  my parent's house - a "first day of school" tradition. We are a study in contrasts and yet we were the best of friends. 


Me: My perfectly smoothed and barretted hair, the rust colored wire framed glasses, the coordinating rust colored jumpsuit handmade with love by my mom, white patent leather shoes, a backpack over my shoulders filled with coordinating school supplies, and an extremely large lunchbox filled with a lunch....also homemade with love by my mom. 


My friend Katie: Short, natural curly hair which was a hint to her future passion for beauty trends, a funky t-shirt, corduroy pants, earth shoes, and all her school supplies stuffed into a black Hefty garbage bag. 


She is the epitome of cool and I am the epitome of... Geek...but we were friends...and we were nervous about our first day, but also so excited about the first day of school and all the opportunities in the year ahead of us.


I've had many first days....school, first days of being a wife, first days of being a mother, and, like today, first days of a new job. Yet no matter how many times you face a first day and no matter how excited you might be about what it represents, you might also feel a bit nervous or a bit apprehensive about this "first".  Last night, as I was preparing myself for my first day at a new job, I received an email from my dad and it was just what I needed to face the day. 


Dad has given me so much advice over the years and he has always been consistent in his themes - checking your car oil frequently in order to protect your engine was always a favorite message. Don't take any wooden nickles. Always remember to "hang in there".  And another, which he reminded me of last night, was relating to my nervous feelings about this new endeavor. He told me "Just smile and walk in like you own the place."  Volumes of self help and professional/personal development books have been written about what Dad summed up in just these few words. Basically, if you can at least portray an image of confidence, you may believe it yourself and as a result, others might believe it allowing you time to earn the right to hold such confidence. It was exactly what I needed to hear to give me the confidence as I approached my first day.


So, how was my first day of work at my new job?? Fabulous! The people were warm and welcoming, the office environment is casual and quiet, the work will be challenging and full of opportunity. I am thrilled about this first day and looking forward to the second day, the third day, etc. 


So are you faced with any "firsts" coming up that are making you nervous? The best advice I can share with you is just "Smile and walk in like you own the place".


ps: The following picture is me today on my first day of work. Some things haven't changed - I'm still color coordinated, wearing patent leather shoes, and carrying a bag with a few coordinating office supplies. But a few things have changed. I've celebrated and struggled through many first days. I've added a few (well-earned) wrinkles around my eyes. And my glasses are now plastic framed "cheaters". But essentially, I'm still the girl going off to fifth grade with lots of nerves but much more excitement about what lies ahead.