On my way in to work, this morning, I noticed some very sad and forlorn-looking flowers. I imagined that they are suddently realizing that summer is ending much too quickly and anticipating that soon the warm days of sunshine will be only a memory. I’m not sure that I’ve ever so fully related to how a flower feels but this morning, I realized that I’ve been having the same sense of summer’s departure and for that, I find myself just a little bit sad.
It seems to be the same way every year. Summer stretches before me like a lazy cat and I find myself daydreaming of all the wonderful ways that I will fill the days. I anticipate BBQ’s, wine on the patio, bike rides, trips up north, time with my family, a road trip or two, floating in a lake, opening the windows to smell the fresh cut grass, parades, festivals, and all the other joys that long summer days hold. Over the years, I’ve even gotten better at making sure that some (if not most) of these daydreams actually become reality. I make time to enjoy these little moments so as not to lose a moment that summer has to offer.
But these moments pass quickly and the days disappear, every year a bit faster. I find myself listening to radio ads for the State Fair and though I eagerly anticipate a visit there to enjoy some deep fried pickles and a cold glass of beer, I also know that it signals the close of yet another summer.
Though I feel like I’ve appreciated and enjoyed all that summer has given me this year, I can’t help but feel selfish. I want to stamp my feet and pout that “it just isn’t enough”. I want more. I don’t want to let go of the longer days filled with so many of the things that I love. And, even though I know on a rational level, that Fall and Winter will also bring their own kind of wonderful moments, I still find myself wanting more of the “now”.
Over the past three weeks, though I couldn’t attend them all because of my new job, there have been funerals - a former co-worker who died quite young, the mother of one of my oldest friends, and the father of my sister-in-law. I know that my sister-in-law would say that in spite of her grief, there are things she is grateful for - of course, to have had her Dad for many years, but also to have had an opportunity to tell him how much she loved him, to tell him what he meant to her, and to tell him a final good-bye. But we have all lost people that we love and I know that each of these people, those who passed and those who are left behind, would also say they didn't want to let go. They wanted more... more of the “now”. Whatever their beliefs for what is next, they would say that the “now” is never enough.
Unfortunately, Summer turns to Fall and Fall becomes Winter. Days go on. Our lives continue to change. We can’t hold onto the “now” forever. There is no remedy other than to soothe the sadness as I hope I have done this summer by enjoying the moments that are given to me. Living in them fully. Telling the people I love….that I love them. And making peace with the passing of summer days.
I hope that you are enjoying the moments of summer and looking with anticipation to all that comes next. And, maybe I’ll see you in a couple weeks at the Fair…you can find me enjoying the moment with a beer in my hand!
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