Free To Be...You And Me

I was shocked to see a headline on CNN announcing that a good friend of mine was turning 40 years old this year. This friend and I spent countless hours together when I was an elementary aged little girl in the early 1970s. And it is from this friend that some of my most core beliefs about what it means to be a woman, what it means to be a man, and how men and women should relate to one another were formed. My friend was incredibly popular and I’m sure there are many people who share my warm memories of listening to stories and singing songs together…maybe even some of you. My friend came to me in the shape of a 12” hot pink album cover and was called “Free To Be…You and Me.”

It is likely that few children of the 70’s could have escaped the impact of this album. The background story is that Marlo Thomas (“That Girl”) was a new Auntie in 1971 and as she was reading stories to her baby niece, she realized that all the little girls were princesses who wanted to grow up and be stewardesses, nurses or mommies. She thought it was important to create some stories for her niece to understand the wealth of opportunities that were actually available to her. The album was created along with some names you might recognize and remember: Diana Ross, Michael Jackson (before he got just a little too “Jackson”), Alan Alda, Roberta Flack and Carl Reiner to name just a few. It consisted of songs and stories with titles like “Boy Meets Girl”, “Parents are People”, “It’s All Right To Cry”, and “William’s Doll”. Each lyric and story were poems in themselves telling the little girls and boys listening that it’s OK to be who they are, it’s OK to dress the way they want to dress, it’s OK to cry (or to feel), it’s OK to accept other people’s differences, and it’s OK for boys to want to play with dolls so they can be good parents someday or for girl’s to want to grow up to be doctors, truckers, or astronauts.

I played this record continuously and non-stop on the stereo console in my parent’s living room. At least until my mom (who remained patient through the first hundred or so plays), forced me into my bedroom or the basement where I played the album on my light blue plastic Fisher Price record player. The record had an accompanying “book” within the album cover and I would pour over the pictures, the lyrics of every song, and sing at the top of my lungs while occasionally acting out the stories whenever the mood happened to strike. (On a side note, I think it might have been about this period in my life when my brother Steven started calling me “geek” on a pretty regular basis. I’m not sure if there is any correlation but I guess I should acknowledge that it is a possibility.) Anyway, I loved this record and every song on it. “Free To Be…You and Me” became an anthem for me…and for much of my generation.

I lived in, what was at the time, a very gender-traditional household. My dad went to the office every morning while my mom stayed home and managed the house and the family. In our family’s free hours, my dad and brothers would hunt, trap, ride motorcycles, clean guns, and build things. Meanwhile my sisters, with their long hair that went down past their butts, talked on the phone and tanned in the sun, while I played dolls and cooked Cinnamon Crisps with my Easy Bake Oven and dough that my mom had left over. I don’t remember my parents ever saying to me “Theresa, you can do whatever you want to when you grow up.” But yet, somehow, I knew that was the case. Maybe because of the songs that I listened to on “Free To Be”, or because of the shows I watched on TV (Mary Tyler Moore, That Girl, Scooby Doo), or maybe because they just didn’t have to say it. While I might have chosen at that time to play with my Drowsy doll instead of a baseball, I know that my parents would have supported my choice to do either. And though I grew up to prefer talking on the phone with my friends about boys, had I wanted to go hunting with my dad, I know that he would have never hesitated to bring me along. Though the gender roles in my family seemed to follow the traditional lines of the 1970’s, there was an undercurrent in the way my parents raised me that allowed me to believe I could be or do anything. Geek or no geek, I was free to be me.

When I saw this article about the 40 year anniversary of this album that was such a huge part of my childhood and the formation of who I am, I immediately got nostalgic and sought out the album so I can share it with my grandchildren (and, yes, admittedly, to enjoy it as a possible guilty pleasure occasionally in the privacy of my own vehicle.)  Though it is 40 years old, the messages are still relevant for today’s children. Sure, we’ve made great strides in gender equality and the acceptance of differences over the years, but as proven by headlines of bullying, drug abuse, and school shootings, the work isn’t done. Apparently, not every kid has gotten the message that it’s OK to just BE who you are.

I want my grand-daughter to know that it’s OK if she wants to wear purple tutus every day, or purple ear muffs even when she is indoors and it isn’t cold. I want her to have fun playing with dolls and having pretend picnics on the floor of our living room; and yet to also know that there are no limits to what she can be as she gets older – her interests and her talents will know no boundaries.

I want my grandson to have a blast making car noises with his toy trucks, or laughing with such glee when he gets to destroy a block tower that I’ve carefully built. I love to see him rough and tumbling and know that as he continues to grow, his fascination with things like motorcycles, tools, and sports will grow along with him. But I also want him to know that it’s OK for boys to have caring, nurturing spirits as well.

I hope that these are the principles that I passed down to my children. I do know that they will raise their own children believing in themselves and accepting those around them. And I’ll try to remember these messages myself as well because even now as adults, we are occasionally faced with gender issues or acceptance issues.  It’s important that we always remember that we truly are  “Free To Be”.

"There's a land that I see where the children are free

And I say it an't far to this land from where we are
Take my hand and come with me, where the children are free

Come with me, take my hand, and we'll live

In a land where the river runs free

In a land through the green country

In a land to a shining sea

And you and me are free to be...you and me"