My life has somehow changed over the last 20 years from partying until 2:00 in the morning…to partying with 2 year olds. From the moment I wake up on Monday morning, I find myself looking forward to Wednesday evenings. Not because it’s the middle of the week and we are that much closer to enjoying the weekend, but because Wednesday nights mean “Toddler Music Class” with my grand-daughter Sammy. I love watching these little kids interact together – for some, this might be their first social interactions with their peers. They might be shy – but they immediately recognize their commonality (“hey…that kid is holding a ball too”) and soon they approach each other, wasting no time with small talk but getting to the important stuff…playing. It’s a skill that many of us seem to lose as we get older. If we are fortunate, maybe we regain it at some point - but with effort, perhaps we can recapture that energy a bit sooner.
When we first walk into class each week, the kids are each a bit shy. However, as Teacher Mary drags out the balls and instruments, suddenly their inhibitions are released. Aidan throws a ball (which was probably intended for his mother but his aim isn’t quiet defined yet) and the ball actually goes to Sammy. She picks up the ball and looks at Aidan who quietly looks back at her. No words are exchanged. They don’t introduce themselves or ask “what do you do for a living?”. They don’t wonder about whether or not this person will like them or be impressed by them. Sammy gently tosses the ball back to Aidan and they are now friends.
As we get older – like maybe the grand old age of five or six years old - we start to lose this inability to connect over something so simple. It becomes evident to us from the world around us that there can be a vulnerability in extending yourself to someone who might be a new friend. We build up walls around ourselves as we settle in with our close friends or our safe circles. We believe that going beyond those boundaries can be dangerous and because of our fears, we hide behind the small talk…we don’t return the ball that was mis-thrown.
Several weeks ago, my sisters and I visited our parents at their retirement community in Texas. Of course we loved seeing our folks and spending the time with them. But one of the things we commented on one day as we cruised around in their golf court (three in the front seat because that’s how WE roll) was how warm and welcoming everyone was. As we drove through the park, people not only gave us a courteous wave but shouted “hello!”, “how are you girls doing today?”, “will you be at the dance tonight?”. They didn’t really know us but that didn’t stop them from extending themselves to us. And when given the chance to visit together, they didn’t rely on trite conversation but instead shared stories about themselves, about their families, and about what was important to them. They allowed us to come into their “safe circle” and we left from our visit feeling as though we had made some friends.
I admire the ability to be open in 2 year olds and I admire the ability in older generations, so maybe I need to make an effort in my current life rather than waiting until I’m 65. And, in fact, I think that this is one area in which Facebook is of benefit. Because of Facebook, I have become “friends” with circles of people that I otherwise would not have interacted with on a daily basis – people I went to high school with but didn’t know well at the time, relatives who live thousands of miles away and I haven’t seen in many years, former coworkers with whom I might have lost touch, friends of friends, the list goes on. While some might argue that Facebook is superficial and you don’t really (can’t possibly) care about all these friends, I would disagree. I’ve come to look forward to seeing posts from my friends and learning about their lives. Through posting/commenting/sharing, we keep the conversation going meaning that when we do see each other, we aren’t starting from nothing. We’ve been tossing the ball back and forth for some time….and we are comfortable.
So we continue to grow and change, our circles of friends change, and our openness to new friendships change as well. And while I can probably still (occasionally) manage to stay up to 2AM, it’s my rock-star party life with the 2 year olds that bring real joyful moments to my days. Having the opportunity to see the world through their eyes for just a few moments, reminds me that sometimes it’s ok (and maybe even recommended) to go ahead and behave like a 2-year old!
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