Paraphrasing Willie Nelson and Julio Iglesias: "To All The Boys I've Loved Before"

Alternate title: "The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly"(Just kidding!)

February is the month of love - red hearts, sweet candies, and loving thoughts are at every turn. Though I've been married now for close to 24 years, I can still recall many of the relationships that I had prior to being married. I remember boys that I dated - some only once or twice and some for much longer. With Valentine's only days away, I've been thinking some about past "loves" and wondering..."Did I give away more of my "self" in those relationships or did those relationships help me to find my "self"?"

It's probably only natural that we are changed in some ways by every relationship in our lives. Sometimes those are good changes and other times, not so much. Unfortunately, I think most often it is when you are so involved in the relationship, that many of those negative changes rear their ugly head, and at those times you are least able to see the changes taking place. In this way and with the benefit of hindsight, I now know that I fell victim to some of these changes and that I sacrificed parts of myself in order to please the other person. When you're starting a new relationship, you are looking for that common ground that will allow you to enjoy a shared experience together. Sometimes this brings exciting new adventures to your life, and other times - through no malicious intent on anyone's part - you find yourself compromising in areas that were maybe once important to you. This is where the danger to "self" comes in - giving up things that were once important to you, not because you no longer care, but because the other person doesn't care that those things are important to who you are. I've been there and I've also been very fortunate to reclaim for myself those things that were once so important.

But it's the things that we gain from each relationship that make them valuable and memorable. We learn about the hard work that it takes sometimes to love another person. We learn about trust. We learn about true compromise. We learn about honoring, respecting, and most importantly, admiring the differences in the person we love. We learn about supporting someone when they are their lowest, and we learn about celebrating someone when they have found success. In addition, some other lessons I've learned from previous relationships...
* That I was just never meant to downhill ski
* That seafood can taste so good
* That Bruce Springsteen's version of "Pink Cadillac" really is better than the Tina Turner version.

All those boys that I dated, that I had crushes for, and some that I loved, brought me parts of myself. Through those relationships, I learned about who I wanted to be and who I didn't want to be.

So this Valentine's Day, take just a moment to think about "all the boys (or girls) you've loved before" and send them a quiet thanks for the good that they brought into your life, and, oddly enough, maybe even for some of the harder lessons. They helped you become who you are today. And that is a person who understands about love.